Two out of three (constituencies) is bad (From The Argus)
Get involved: Send your news, views, pictures and video by texting SUPIC to 80360 or email us.
Two out of three (constituencies) is bad
5:45pm Monday 12th July 2010 in Blogs
Right Wing, Not Right-On
No doubt you’ll have noticed the rather Quentin-free nature of the online Argus in recent weeks. I know many of you, too many to mention, cherish my incisive analysis and trés sophisticated take on Brighthelm circa 2010. However, the outcome of the so-called “democratic” elections left me needing time to sufficiently inhale the reality of the situation on the south coast before exhaling my much sought-after thoughts.
Over two months have now passed, time enough for me to accurately get a handle on the vibe in a post-election Brighthelm. A Brighthelm which, in two out of three constituencies, decided to daub its cobbled twittens and grand squares in Tory Blue, leaving Brighton Pavilion to fly the flag for the real, liberal and truly right-on Brightonians. Indeed, flanked by Tory Kemptown on one side and Tory Hove on t’other, Pavilion is the Green organic hummus filling betwixt two slices of stale Tory white bread.
As a dyed-in-the-hemp Hanover resident myself, I can walk tall, having had a small hand in history by pushing Caroline Lucas, the only MP to ever look good in a beige pantsuit (ironic sexism, yeah?), all the way to Westminster.
However, there ain’t no denying that Kemptown, in particular, has undoubtedly let us all down. Under dark Conservative skies, their quirky bijou tea-shops look rather less quirky not to mention a lot less bijou, their gay bars less far gay and their boutique hotels significantly less boutiquey.
Rather less surprisingly, Hove-ites embraced Toryism in all its materialistic splendour. Indeed, behind the freshly-painted Regency square facades, exclusive mews homes and pseudo-liberal media-professional smiles lies a right-wing heart, beating in time with David Cameron’s Nu-Thatcherism.
Admittedly the differences between the Tories and Nu Labour are as difficult to spot as those between the Jedwards. (In fairness to the gruesome Irish twosome, they play with fake Ghostbuster guns while Labour train their real gun sights on Afghan wedding parties, egged on by warmongering Conservatives with shares in arms companies). However, one would have expected the Brighton electorate as a whole to make a step to the left of Nu Labour, not a shuffle to the right.
Speaking of Hove, it seems that even the Argus blogs have become infected with a particularly virulent strain of Toryism. Check out "Reluctant Housewife" Alice Wright’s recent blog on corporations and you will dig my jive and, hopefully, vomit at the corporate-ass-licking cut of her blogging jib.
One can imagine her, as we speak, gobbling her free fast food burgers and fries, couriered to her swiflty after the fast food bigwigs read her psycho-phantic words. I refuse to name the corporations that HoveHousewife fellates in her Toryblog, so let’s call the fast food company BcDonalds.
She continues to gush forth on the likes of the Bapple BiPhone, Diet Boke, Bisney and Bicrosoft (yeah that’s right grey-suited corporate marketing drones, I refuse to play your odious game). And yet, the online Argus allows such appalling product placement? No doubt they are all in on it together.
Argus football blogger Tim Hodges is another whose laddish banter is has more than a whiff of Eau du Thatcher. And presumably (and unfortunately), there are no doubt plenty more Tories skulking about in the cyber-undergrowth of the Argus blogs.
In my dismay at the choices made by two-thirds of my fellow Brightonians, I decided to steer clear of Kemptown and Hove for at least the near future. Indeed, I sit here, tapping away on my laptop, in a stylish (independent) North Laine eaterie, surrounded by drifts of angular, pierced, cutting-edge media creatives, enjoying the pseudo-anarcho-vibe and the top notch frothy coffee. It feels liberal. It feels like Brighton.
I urge you to follow my lead and boycott Kemptown and Hove and support the people and businesses of Brighton Pavilion, the true, liberal, beating heart of our great city.
Comments(43)
Ramboy
says...
2:14pm Tue 13 Jul 10
I never saw hide nor hair of the Tories during the election. I think they made the same calculation Mrs Thatcher made when she abandoned a third of the population to their fate in the 1980s.
They didn't need our votes to win, so they ignored us and concentrated on east of the Marina.
Which is exactly as you'd expect from a narrow,self-interest
ed party.
Same old, same old.
ReluctantHousewife
says...
3:18pm Tue 13 Jul 10
I am here to comment on the absolutely appaling vernacular being applied by my fellow blogger. To say nothing of the increasing amount of typos ('conpanies' anyone?)
The next time I step over the border from (admittedly Tory) Hove I will continue do all I can to avoid the eco-workshy who seem to swarm to Brighton in order to sample its 'frothy coffee' whilst being secretly envious of my biPhone.
Yours, RH x
Quentin Delahunty
says...
4:35pm Tue 13 Jul 10
Dearest Ramboy, maybe we need to divide Kemptown into two constituencies, one for the liberal Kemptown and the other for those "east of the marina"?
Q x
Quentin Delahunty
says...
4:37pm Tue 13 Jul 10
Your trivial nit-picking over spelling errors is somewhat disappointing.
I am an artist and a creative, not a proof-reading drone.
Anyway, I look forward to your next blog - maybe it could be a list of the Top 10 greatest fascists in history?
Qx
pperrin
says...
4:41pm Tue 13 Jul 10
Lucas got in because lots of insecure people wanted to feel 'part of history' by electing the first Green MP (and didn't much care whether it was good or bad).
Next time the novelty will not be there.
Andre Spooner
says...
4:52pm Tue 13 Jul 10
I think from reading this column, many might think that you were a dyed in the hemp Brighton Pavilion Greenionista. I am afraid, dear readers, that the truth is much harder to stomach. Upon reading this article, my Mighty Horse directed me to his meticulous archive, where there resides a back issue of a particular 1988 student publication (which I don't think I need to name here). There, in an article penned by none other than "Q. Delahunty", is an astounding defense of free-market economics, including the statement that Baroness Thatcher is "a bit of alright", and that you, the author, "wouldn't kick her out of bed on a cold night". What to say about this, Delahunty?
Also, I am informed from a reliable source that whilst changing after an envigorating bout of Vikram Hot Yoga, you revealed a small but perfectly formed tattoo of John Redwood and Peter Lilley locked in an embrace on your lower back. Whom but a former Tory would have this cryptic illustration forever emblazoned upon their body?
Not to mention little Lex and Nimsie - your dear children, whose attendance at one of Britain's finest Public Schools show your devotion to the redistribution of wealth! You are Diane Abbott and I claim my warm cushion beside Portillo!
I await your response with bated breath, Tory Boy. And for the last time, can you keep your darn offspring away from my bins. It frightens the life out of my Mighty Horse!
Yours,
Andre Spooner.
PS. Mr Perrin, above - Are you the same P. Perrin who invited the voters of Hove to "feel part of history" by voting you in as their UKIP candidate? Five out of six is bad as well.....
Wow, my security word was "Edwina-Currie". I wonder why!
The Brighton Bear
says...
7:39pm Tue 13 Jul 10
Andre Spooner
says...
9:20pm Tue 13 Jul 10
The Brighton Bear wrote:That's quite a way to introduce yourself, but informative given the circumstances.
Nutter alert.
nigeyb
says...
11:36am Wed 14 Jul 10
nigeyb
says...
11:38am Wed 14 Jul 10
Dictionary definition of smug?
Tim Hodges
says...
5:46pm Wed 14 Jul 10
nigeyb wrote:If smug now means delicious irony, you could well be right.
"...I sit here, tapping away on my laptop, in a stylish (independent) North Laine eaterie, surrounded by drifts of angular, pierced, cutting-edge media creatives, enjoying the pseudo-anarcho-vibe and the top notch frothy coffee." Dictionary definition of smug?
I have read this 7 times and still don't really understand it. To be 41 and described as laddish is taken as a huge compliment. How sad those compliments could not be extended to Reluctant Housewife, who I always think of as a young Nanette Newman. I'd love to meet Delahunty. A picnic perhaps Sir? Whenever you have a window.
The Brighton Bear
says...
9:13pm Wed 14 Jul 10
Andre Spooner wrote:As I expected, you missed the point completely.
The Brighton Bear wrote: Nutter alert.That's quite a way to introduce yourself, but informative given the circumstances.
Quentin Delahunty
says...
9:40pm Wed 14 Jul 10
Dearest Perrin,
Don't underestimate the power of a beige pant-suit!
Qx
Spooner!
You ride again! These "reliable sources" you are using are obviously trying to undermine my position as Brighton's premier liberal guru. As Public Enemy once said, "Don't believe the hype".
I am no Dianne Abbot, more a south-coast Che Guevara for the Twitter generation, yeah?
As for your bins, my children are innocent. Probably your trusty steed looking for scraps of food.
Qx
Quentin Delahunty
says...
9:44pm Wed 14 Jul 10
Be careful, Spooner and his horse are to be feared. If only for the copious amounts of dung they leave where they go.
Qx
NigeyB
Smug? Moi? Please don't put me in a hole as though I were a pigeon and you were pigeonholing me.
And yes I do blame Nu Labour, mostly for their Thatcher-embracing shift courtesy of Blair, Brown et al.
Qx
Mr Hodges,
A picnic you suggest? Only if it is 100% vegan and I can play my bongos?
Qx
SugarTits
says...
10:11pm Wed 14 Jul 10
Quentin Delahunty
says...
10:37pm Wed 14 Jul 10
Tosh in a good way, I presume you mean?
Qx
SugarTits
says...
10:08am Thu 15 Jul 10
Andre Spooner
says...
10:24am Thu 15 Jul 10
As for you, Delahunty, you can backtrack all you like - I've even got video footage of you shaking hands with Cecil Parkinson at the 1987 Conservative Party Conference. I wouldn't be surprised if you were a "Blair babe" as well... do the words "Cool Britannia" mean anything to you?
Wow, my security word was "sugar-tits". Does Mel Gibson work for the Argus?
The Brighton Bear
says...
8:49pm Thu 15 Jul 10
I wish you all the best with this post, I am sure we will meet again soon.
archbrighton
says...
9:15am Fri 16 Jul 10
I wish I could think of something really clever to say, just like Brighton Bear and SugarTits did - something like "tish and pish" or "pants". They have shown great depth in their replies. And does this mean that my yoga class in Hove will be cancelled? And will BcDonalds soon disappear from London Road? A
Quentin Delahunty
says...
2:40pm Fri 16 Jul 10
Drivel in a good way?
Qx
Spooner!
Video footage? Anything's possible these days with Photoshop-esque tomfoolery. As a teenager, I was more likely giving the finger to "the man" or hanging around looking suitably cool, not schmoozing Cecil and co.
Qx
Dear Arch
Lovely to hear from you again!
Yoga will be moved to a more suitable location, possibly on the Downs, amongst nature?
Re: BcDonalds, I have started a campaign of vigorous tutting whenevr I pass the establishment. That should show them.
Peace
Qx
LouiseonLife
says...
12:43pm Tue 20 Jul 10
archbrighton
says...
12:59pm Tue 20 Jul 10
Someone threw a burger at me as I left my pilates class in Kemp Town last Thursday - can you intervene? A
Tally Ho!
says...
2:46pm Tue 20 Jul 10
Fare ye well preposterous ****.
Quentin Delahunty
says...
3:41pm Tue 20 Jul 10
"I shall never get those three minutes back again". Words that have no doubt gone through the minds of many of your sexual partners, I imagine.
Qx
Tally Ho!
says...
4:00pm Tue 20 Jul 10
Quentin Delahunty wrote:...Dearest Qx,
Dearest Tally-Ho!
"I shall never get those three minutes back again". Words that have no doubt gone through the minds of many of your sexual partners, I imagine.
Qx
No doubt, amongst the many, as you so rightly state...there have been some..(None I hasten to add with alacrity resembling the aforementioned and oft remarked looks of Alice!) ....But they were and indeed are able to console themselves in the knowledge that another three minutes of ecstasy awaits... and, should they find favour with me.. another.... I am after all, a sexual athlete of some renown... I always **** first.
I am assuming facial expressions do not play a major role in your 'liasons' just their hair cut or crowns. I do not judge! Although I cannot say I approve... Still.. Each to their own.
Pip PIP!
Gubbins
says...
4:01pm Tue 20 Jul 10
.
(gubbins circa about now)
Amusing though !
Tally Ho!
says...
4:02pm Tue 20 Jul 10
Quentin Delahunty
says...
5:55pm Tue 20 Jul 10
You may only enter Churchill Square in an ironic way. You must then tut and sneer appropriately at the vile cathedral to mindless consumerism.
Qx
ArchBrighton!
Was the burger vegetarian? THis makes all the difference.
Qx
Tally Ho
Your lengthy tomes here suggest you may have rather a lot of time on your hands and may not have had the opportunity to show your apparent sexual prowess (with someone else, obviously) in quite some time.
Qx
Dearest Gubbins,
Thank you for your comment and your use of the criminally underused word "circa".
Qx
Tally Ho!
says...
8:25pm Tue 20 Jul 10
Pip PIP!
'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.'
Not a 'Partheon Shot' just something that amused me no end I thought you might wish to use it...
Quentin Delahunty
says...
10:10pm Tue 20 Jul 10
Ambulatory or not, you have obviously not lost the ability to shed words at an alarmingly self-indulgent rate.
However, I respect the cut of your own particular jib and am enjoying this "chat".
However, despite your offer of some mediocre phrase, I shall stick to my own genius.
Qx
Tally Ho!
says...
12:40am Wed 21 Jul 10
Quentin Delahunty wrote:I, too, am enjoying this unusual manner of correspondence. It could best be described as a sort of intellectual sparring. I say sparring because obviously, to call it a contest would insult your intelligence, and alas, I fear that has taken insults aplenty and been subject to enough ridicule to last you a several lifetimes.
Tally Ho!
Ambulatory or not, you have obviously not lost the ability to shed words at an alarmingly self-indulgent rate.
However, I respect the cut of your own particular jib and am enjoying this "chat".
However, despite your offer of some mediocre phrase, I shall stick to my own genius.
Qx
I was at first perplexed as to why you eschewed my offer of some fresh material, after all, I was attempting, to somehow stimulate you into improving your somewhat repetitious prose and to impart some conjuration into your meandering, and at times, obfuscating scribbles. I had, forlornly as it turned out, hoped it would assist you to extricate yourself from the narcissistic cesspit you had slid inexorability into, unfortunately, for you, and your readers, it was not to be. I say readers, followers would be to strong a word, unless it was in the context of "His readers would follow him anywhere, but only out of a morbid fascination"
Some people have thousands of experiences, others experience the same thing a thousand times, or read your blog as it is also known (tip: Try to avoid the phrase 'Cobbled Twittens' in every blog)
A wise man once said (No! not me this time, the other one) "Ignorance is bliss." Well Q, I for one am content.......that you are so deliriously Happy!
Pip PIP!
Gubbins
says...
11:26am Wed 21 Jul 10
Tally Ho!
says...
1:33pm Wed 21 Jul 10
Gubbins wrote:I could not possibly comment!
If this was a Civil Service Gobbledygook Exam, you've all passed using the following criteria; A natural instinct towards intellectual and literary terrorism, terrier like tenacity to confuse and word crunching skills that would make any political spin doctor green with envy !
ReluctantHousewife
says...
1:39pm Wed 21 Jul 10
I'll have you know I am considered quite the Society Beauty by the way.
.
But if your pacifism would allow Quentin I suggest the time has now come to dispense with this ridiculous wordplay and indulge in some swordplay?
.
RHx
Tally Ho!
says...
2:29pm Wed 21 Jul 10
ReluctantHousewife wrote:The Lady doth protest too much...methinks.
Thanks Tally Ho! for finally commenting on my writing - I appreciate my words being called crass far more than the personal comments on my looks (which I consider to be crass behaviour myself)
I'll have you know I am considered quite the Society Beauty by the way.
.
But if your pacifism would allow Quentin I suggest the time has now come to dispense with this ridiculous wordplay and indulge in some swordplay?
.
RHx
I am sure you are considered such in whatever Society circle you inhabit, Indeed amongst your contemporaries, you may well shine like a Shilling up a Sweeps posterior.... Just not in my circles... However, I was responding to an opinion given by another commentator.
On your other point.. YES! I agree with you 100%. Quentin should stop dispensing his ridiculous wordplay, Indeed I have counseled Q so.
However, on your final point, I would refrain from involving him in any acts of violence, for whilst you obviously have little to lose from a severe beating he may, I suspect, hold his looks more dearly.
I wish you 'both' ery happiness! Look on the bright side.... this thread will close for comments soon, and he, and you, will be free to walk the 'Cobbled Twitterns of Brightelm unmolested to your Hearts content, and a rare treat that will no doubt be.
pip PIP!
Quentin Delahunty
says...
3:29pm Wed 21 Jul 10
You know you like it!
Qx
Reluctant Housewife.
Lyrical swords are the only weapons I carry (along with the relevant poetic license).
Qx
Tally Who?
The cobbled twitterns of this fine town mean a lot to me and always will.
Also, why this unbridled nastiness aimed squarely at Reluctant Houswife - a secret crush perhaps?
Qx
Gubbins
says...
7:18pm Wed 21 Jul 10
en we turn over too many stones we are likely to find a filthy great, ill tempered and plain nasty adder ! Never mind, we all love a brave man or a literary barmpot !
archbrighton
says...
1:51pm Thu 22 Jul 10
Tally Ho - I hear that long words are being band in Tory constituencies, for fear that the Daily Mail won't be able to reprint them when it decides to invoke moral outrage over something.
Alice - Q secretly likes your blog - he's just resentful because he was kicked out of Hove for not memorising Ofset reports
Gubbins
says...
4:40pm Thu 22 Jul 10
Gay Cavalier
says...
1:28am Sat 24 Jul 10
Quentin Delahunty
says...
3:48pm Mon 26 Jul 10
Free-range or not it was still a living animal! Very clear in my book!
Qx
Gubbins!
Stones? Adders? I am now properly bemused.
Qx
Gay Cavalier!
You look familiar! Do you go by any other names??
Qx
Tony Davenport says...
12:12pm Tue 13 Jul 10
Tony Davenport