The value of forgiveness in later life – by Clive Taplin (From The Argus)

The value of forgiveness in later life – by Clive Taplin

10:37am Tuesday 15th November 2011 in Blogs By Roy Pennington, Beach flaneur

this gem is found in issue 40 of the The Pensioner, Autumn 2011

The value of forgiveness in later life – by Clive Taplin:

Recently, having at last written my will and de-cluttered my home I thought I could face life’s ‘last great adventure’ with quiet equanimity, but I still felt unsettled in my mind. Focussing on this I found unresolved issues concerning forgiveness lying like cold pebbles deep down in my heart. Some were to do with needing to forgive those who had hurt me, others with needing to gain the forgiveness of people I had hurt, and still others requiring forgiveness of myself.

We are only human, imperfect. We make mistakes, are weak and afraid. We are not to blame, it has been handed down to us through the generations. We have the choice between good and bad (or love and fear) but we cannot know what impulses we have inherited, and we are all fashioned from the same clay.

You may say “my whole family was killed”, or “my child was murdered; I can never forgive”; and of course such acts can never be condoned or allowed to go unpunished. Some things may seem impossible to forgive, but the harder it is, the greater will be the relief you will experience. Whether or not you feel justified you are allowing something beyond your control, i.e. other people’s actions to steal your peace.

No-one has the right or power to affect your state of mind unless you permit it. Taking responsibility for our inner serenity is enormously empowering. What is more important, to be right or to be happy?

Bearing grudges, feeling resentment, anger and hatred is exhausting. It produces toxic emotions, creating stress and high blood pressure which can lead to illness.

Forgiving yourself and others and gaining their forgiveness is essential for peace and contentment. It releases a tremendous amount of energy, joy and happiness, bringing mental, spiritual and physical health benefits. It breaks down those cold pebbles of pain and sets you free.

Here is a suggested forgiveness exercise, but you can devise your own if you prefer. The important thing is that it should come from the heart, not merely the mind, and it must come with love, as hard as that may be. It doesn’t matter if the person is alive or deceased, but to be able to contact them by letter, telephone or especially face to face would be especially rewarding. If they are unwilling to forgive you, you can still forgive them their unforgiveness, and yourself for inflicting the perceived wrongdoing. Recently, two estranged friends of mine, unknown to each other, approached me voluntarily and apologised for their actions.

It was wonderful to shake hands with them and renew our friendship.

So…..

• Find a peaceful place where you won’t be disturbed. The countryside or your garden is ideal, but your comfy chair, the bath or even your bed is fine.

• Perhaps light a candle to aid relaxation. Close your eyes.

Take several deep breaths, inhaling peace, exhaling difficult feelings. Say a prayer if you think it might help.

• Envision the person sitting in front of you, or on a TV screen. Share with them what is in your heart with as much compassion and kindness as possible. Imagine the person hearing and receiving your words. Say in your heart “I forgive you and release you unconditionally. I withhold no forgiveness. You are free and I am free and so it is. For this I am grateful”.

• Feel how good it is to let go. Mentally give thanks to yourself for taking the time and finding strength to do this, and to the other person.

• Allow the gratitude to fill your heart. Gently open your eyes knowing that you can repeat your exercise whenever you feel the need.

I wish you all happiness in your precious life.

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