You wouldn’t like me when I am angry! (From The Argus)

You wouldn’t like me when I am angry!

7:41pm Tuesday 2nd March 2010

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By Alice Wright - Reluctant Housewife »

I have had cause recently to think about my behaviour. During a trip to a local busy Supermarket and after driving for ages in pointless circles I found myself raging at a woman who parked in ‘my’ space in the car park. Of course it wasn’t really ‘my’ space but I felt I had earned it... I had followed the previous occupier from the shop, smiled at him , I had waited patiently whilst indicating my intent, held up the cars behind me and then whilst moving to take his place a woman waiting the other side slipped in before I could even get into gear!

After spluttering for a few seconds with disbelief I started waving to her to show I was also waiting and had got there before her. Whilst looking straight at me she managed to convey how little she cared and I realised that if it really was such a dog eat dog world in that car park then I could let rip. I shouted with rage and told her exactly what I thought of her in no uncertain terms. The air was blue! She might even testify that there were some hand and finger gestures involved but I couldn’t possibly comment on that. And boy, it felt good - there is nothing as uplifting as some well-placed creative swear words.

After shocking the pair of us with my sudden vitriol I sped off and after some more pointless circles eventually found a space. But I was angry, really angry. She managed to sum up all I hated in that one moment: carefree and uncaring folks who seem to have everything handed to them on a plate usually at the expense of poor unfortunates who don’t register on their radar. People who think they can push in front of you in a queue because they talk louder than you or probably just don’t see you because they are so wrapped up in themselves. Fuelled with hatred and rage I stalked her around the shop and whispered insults and offered dagger looks every time we passed in the aisles. She looked round at me incredulously that I had carried this on, but obviously didn’t want to engage me further.

Now, I have no idea what she is like as a person, in another world she could have been a best friend, she might be nothing like I described? Her vacant dismissal of me could be down to the distraction of an upsetting divorce or a recent devastating hospital appointment, I don’t know. But my immediate reaction was to be angry with her. Probably not a good thing?

I will admit to not being the most patient person in the world, I am quick to jump, judge and bare a grudge. Usually I have found that I don’t really care and like to live with my first reaction, then apologise later if necessary. So do I need help? I do sometimes consider self improvement as I realise our time is a short one - I have given up smoking, I have had piano lessons, I go meat-free at least one day a week, I have done charity work etc etc but did any of that help me as the red mist descended? No it didn’t. Just because I can bash out a basic rendition of Bright Eyes hasn’t helped me get over being a rather rash personality.

As I grow older I realise I could end up getting myself into trouble, I could endanger myself or Baby because of a misplaced temper. Will long term relationships withstand such outbursts? I have to ask myself this because I imagine my face whilst I was shouting was a rather ugly one and although I am not so worried about the wind changing and my face staying like that I am concerned that I might never grow up and find a serene state of mind, where I could have just shrugged and wished her well? Both us of might have had a nicer day if I could have done!