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Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
So this is Christmas...and what have you done?
Posted on 11:26am Friday 23rd December 2011
Much like life, Christmas television can also be compared to a box of chocolates. You’ve got your foil-wrapped, heart shaped treats in the form of Downton Abbey and Doctor Who. Your fudge, praline and nut-encrusted family favourites like Eastenders and Strictly Come Dancing. And then of course, there are the ones that are picked over and discarded, to be left rattling round in the bottom of the box until somebody finally gets round to finishing them off around the 28th December. The marzipan, the orange crèmes - yes I’m talking about Hotel for Dogs and Keeping Up Appearances.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Super Tiny Fragilistic Humans Are Atrocious
Posted on 9:07pm Wednesday 30th November 2011
Forget Frozen Planet, the most incredible piece of animal footage I have ever come across has to be during My Monkey Baby, when a woman carefully applied gloss to a monkey’s pursed lips, and then took it out to lunch.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Fresh meat - The Junior Apprentice
Posted on 2:47pm Wednesday 9th November 2011
It’s easy to dismiss teenagers as slack-jawed, sofa huggers. Congregating in shopping centres, clogging up A&E on Saturday nights. Those August riots didn’t do a whole lot for their reputations and a study published by Barnardos last week concluded that 44% of Britons think young people are ‘feral’. Yowser.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
This Modern Love - The Bachelor
Posted on 12:04pm Wednesday 2nd November 2011
Perhaps the most exciting aspect of the whole shebang is that The Bachelor features real women, just like you and me. Well, alright, not just like you and me. Unless you are aged between 18 and 25, are surgically enhanced from the ankles up or blessed with that kind of ‘just stepped out of a salon’ natural beauty which means other women fantasise about smashing your perfect face in with a stiletto?
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Snog Marry Avoid followed by Hotter Than My Daughter
Posted on 11:46am Monday 28th February 2011
At 8pm we have Snog Marry Avoid, hosted by Jenny Frost from Atomic Kitten. Then at 8.30, we have Hotter Than My Daughter, hosted by Liz McClarlon, also from Atomic Kitten. I don’t know who’s got the connections at that channel but they’ve certainly made the most of them.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Accidental Farmer - a modern fable for our times
Posted on 9:44am Wednesday 22nd December 2010
As the credits rolled, Erin had saved a cow’s life and received a proposal from her soulless ex boyfriend, who turned up begging her to come home. Cliffhanger or what?
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
It ain’t half hot mum – the Coronation Street Tram Smash
Posted on 9:51am Wednesday 8th December 2010
Ah, the Corrie tram smash. Such a lovely idea. What better way to mark the 50 year anniversary of the UK’s premium soap? Because despite what the Soap Awards results may tell you, Corrie is da bomb. This programme been documenting the everyday misery of British folk since the day it began, so why break with tradition?
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Drop the dead donkey
Posted on 1:31pm Monday 6th December 2010
There is nothing quite like BBC Breakfast News. Nothing.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Seven days
Posted on 12:00pm Thursday 23rd September 2010
It’s a rather trendy, artfully shot social experiment which indulges the viewer’s voyeuristic tendencies but also encourages them to ruminate on the human condition. Who wouldn’t want to tune in for that?
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
71 Degrees North
Posted on 4:46pm Wednesday 15th September 2010
ITV has whipped up a new and exciting way to torture these people in the very name of entertainment. Dump them at the edge of the Arctic Circle, with nothing but the Millets outdoor range between them and the elements, and get Kate Thornton and some other bloke to crow over the proceedings as they plough through fleets of snow like crazed Huskies.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Beastenders
Posted on 12:50pm Friday 4th June 2010
The BBC are delighted to announce that they have commissioned a very special edition of Springwatch, brought to you live from… wait for it… ...The East End!
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Banged Up Abroad!
Posted on 2:24pm Tuesday 20th April 2010
Banged Up Abroad is better than any horror film, because what’s taking place could actually happen. To you. Provided of course you’re stupid enough to agree to a 2 week holiday in Bangladesh in exchange for strapping 4 kilos of heroin to your quivering thighs.
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Joanna Lumley's Jolly
Posted on 10:28am Monday 12th April 2010
Aside from Joanna gliding through Africa like a fragrant heron, this week we also have Jamie Oliver slapping a whole heap of stuff on expenses and getting to jolly around Europe for our supposed viewing pleasure. Surely Joanna and Jamie can afford to do this sort of thing in their spare time? Surely they do? Why do they get paid to mess about on boats and host exotic impromptu barbecues?
Emma Cave - Telly Belly »
Save Winner's Dinners!
Posted on 1:32pm Friday 26th March 2010
A nation echoed with rage and despair as news hit the fan that Michael Winner’s rather obvious answer to Come Dine With Me - Michael Winner’s Dining Stars – has been threatened with cancellation after just one series.
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