That Was The Year That Was ‘14
Brighton Dome Studio Theatre, New Road, Saturday, December 27, to New Year’s Eve. Sat to Tues starts 8pm, £16.50/£13.50, New Year’s Eve starts 7pm, £22.50. Call 01273 709709.

At the start of the year we had our beloved tabloid newshounds camped out at Dover waiting for the flood of Bulgarian plumbers and Romanian vampires (according to UKIP) to steam into the country.

Armageddon was averted when it became clear that actually, the ConDem nation wasn’t a Shangri La to East Europeans.

Perhaps the biggest national story of the year was the Scottish referendum.

Out of the wreckage of Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon’s dream of shaking off the English yoke, we were at least treated to a comeback by that legendary comedy double act, the Krankies.

And if proof was needed that the economy is still up the creek, look no further than our very own Katy Price, who has reduced her breast size back to a 32b. Another sign that Osborne’s austerity programme has done nothing but impose rampant deflation.

In 2014 we found that Ed Miliband cannot eat a bacon sandwich without being monstered by the press, that England are rubbish at cricket and football (I seem to write that every year) and that that under current manager, Sami Hyypia, the Albion have served up such dross at the Amex that they’ve signed a sponsorship deal with the Bath bus company which builds buses that run on poo.

Then of course we had blanket coverage of the latest pampered little prince, the offspring of Wills and Kate.

There was astonishment in the royal household when wee little Prince Georgie uttered his first cute mutterings, all of them swear words. Kate has since told Wills that it’s the last time they let Great Grandpapa babysit.

Vladimir Putin got his nipples out for the cameras again and invaded the Crimea, annexing East Ukraine in the process. He likes to wrestle bears (and other gay sub groups?). Overcompensating there a tad, comrade?

Our beloved prime minister has been fighting off the threat of UKIP by turning the Tory party into, well, UKIP.

On the subject of prime ministers, the much loathed and rarely forgotten Tony Blair popped up in the news when he received the global legacy award from Save the Children.

Honestly, we here at Treason Towers try our best to create satire, but Tony, stop writing it for us, please?

Locally, the ‘Vague’ Gyratory continued to infuriate.

In an irresistible metaphor for the unfortunate council, the seafront collapsed.

And council leader, Jason Kitcat, has announced he is quitting at the next election, which is a shame as that’s one less punchline on legs in The Treason Show next year.

As ever in this That Was The Year That Was summary of the year, we come to our own version of the famous Rear of the Year award, for which there was a crowded field.

Nigel Farage came close as one of the biggest, smartly followed by poor old Mr Kitcat. But the winner by a buttock has to be Sami Hyypia, for being to football coaching what ISIS is to hairdressing.

Lastly, do come and see the Treason Show’s review of the year. Anyone buying a ticket for NYE show gets a free ticket for the after-party at our new venue, The Rialto – use the code word ‘Shampoo’ at the box office. Merry Crimbo!