John Bishop’s Supersonic tour kicked off with big-screen footage of the football-loving comedian failing to win a penalty shoot-out, before the voice of God (Samuel L. Jackson) informed him of his true vocation: “to make people laugh”.

It transpired to be a true prophecy.

“Comedy is all about the first five minutes; it’s a bit like sex,” said Bishop.

Bishop, who doesn’t write “jokes” but just talks about things that have happened to him, captured the audience from the outset with his varied tales of woe and glory with two teenage sons and one who’s turned 20 to become “a bloke with a beard living in my house”.

There followed uproarious observations on married life, middle age, flying Ryanair and first-class Emirates, and 1980s chat-up lines, when pre-Facebook era you had to actually “walk over and say something”.

Some poignant moments occurred when Bishop, who has raised a lot through his charitable work, revealed his sensitive side, referring to the “empty nest syndrome” and having one chance to “get it right”.

Bishop thinks encores are ridiculous as “there’s no other job where you pretend to leave work.”

He concluded with further celebrity-starred, football-fantasy clips, this time encapsulating his penalty shoot-out success, and left on a high note.