Jay Rayner explores what makes a bad restaurant on his new tour

The Old Market, Upper Market Street, Hove, Wednesday, October 7

“I DON’T go out looking for bad restaurants, they just happen to me – like colds or car crashes.”

Observer food critic Jay Rayner has reviewed more than 700 restaurants in the last decade.

And if there’s anything he has learned it is that the public loves a bad review.

“They get the most comments on websites, and they are the most talked about,” he says.

“It’s a tribute to how horrible everyone is.”

His new touring show My Dining Hell follows an E-book Rayner published of his 20 worst restaurant reviews, and sees him holding forth with a Powerpoint presentation on what happens when an eaterie goes bad.

“I have bad reviews of my own work to balance things out,” says Rayner from Lyme Regis. “And I invite people to review in real time before I come back for a Q and A session.”

He says the key to a good restaurant is simple and straightforward.

“There’s a line in Tolstoy that ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,’” he says.

“The biggest mistake restaurants make is that they need a unique selling point.

“All they need to do is cook some good food, have some tables and chairs and employ staff who aren’t psychopaths.”

When it comes to writing his reviews his focus is on his reader and his editor, rather than a potential advertiser.

“I don’t believe it is possible to review restaurants unless the meals are paid for by the newspaper,” he says – chiming in with Taste’s own Gourmand, who will be paying for all their own meals.

“If you get a positive review for your restaurant you don’t have to thank me. I was doing my job, and you happened to do yours. I don’t care what they think – maybe I’m slightly psychotic and lacking in empathy!

“It costs a lot of money to go out for dinner – so it had better be good.”

He has noticed a marked increase in the numbers of restaurants in the country, and in standards of quality.

London’s restaurant scene in particular has expanded – although it’s not always good news.

“There is a luxury economy which is servicing a moneyed international crowd which has run out of things to spend their money on,” he says.

“For them food is stupid and the prices are stupid. There is a place which has just opened which just serves beef and truffles. In a very dark frame of mind I might think it was the beginning of the collapse of the Western empire – that idea of Roman decadence. You have to wonder why anyone would bother.”

As he travels around the country, both on this tour and as host of the BBC Radio 4 culinary panel show The Kitchen Cabinet, he takes time to check out local restaurant scenes outside the capital.

“There’s a lot of good stuff in Britain,” he says. “I can’t pretend there is the same concentration or quality as in London.”

In Brighton he highlights the BBQ Shack at The World’s End, in London Road; Riddle And Finns in Meeting House Lane; Sam’s Of Brighton, in Paston Place; and the Gingerman group.

Although he hasn’t been back to the city for a while he admits he is always a little surprised by Brighton’s food scene.

“It has an interesting record of having some good stuff, but not necessarily as much as one might think for such a cosmopolitan population,” he says.

“There is a bit of money in Brighton, a tourist economy and a higher proportion of graduates. But I always thought there has never been quite as many great restaurants in Brighton as you would expect. I need to go down again!”

As for his own work he feels the essence behind a good food review is the quality of writing.

“It’s true for any kind of writing, it’s just mine happens to be about food,” he says.

“The only thing which stops a reader from turning the page is the quality of your prose. Nobody has to read anything you write, so you have a responsibility if you want to carry on having a job to be as entertaining, informed and interesting as you can be.”

When it comes to choosing restaurants to review he is always looking for a story to write about – and contrary to popular opinion he writes many more good reviews than bad ones.

His own celebrity standing doesn’t get in the way of his opinions either.

“People ask that as I’m known how can I write an honest review?” he says. “My job is to write as compelling and entertaining a review as I can. If my authority is undermined by my own lack of authenticity then I’m going to lose my job.

“Given that restaurants know who I am it is amazing how many awful experiences I have had!”

Starts 8pm, tickets £12/£10. Call 01273 201801.