Life is busy busy busy - I have no idea how I ever found the time to work as every day seems so full.

We have as ever had some wonderful Lewis moments. He went to his friend Ben's house after school one day and according to Ben's mum they were all sitting around the table when Ben said: "Why does your grandma look after you so much? Is it because your mum has got cancer?"

And Lewis cheerfully responded: "No it's because mum's always going out and getting her nails done and stuff."

His other recent classic left me not knowing whether to laugh or cry. I was delighted to be able to help out Lewis' year group on their school trip to the planetarium in Chichester where the children were allowed to buy a small souvenir from the gift shop. Lewis showed me two Zodiac rubbers which, as I informed him, were coincidentally both Tom - Libra - and Jacob's - Aries - star signs. Proud of himself Lewis asked of his own birth sign, Capricorn, and merrily trotted off to the shop with this information. On his return he told me he had bought me a gift too. At which point my adorable son handed me a rubber with the star sign cancer. My star sign is Virgo.

I carry it around with me because I like the way it makes me feel when I think about how special both Lewis and Jacob are.

Tom has had a birthday and we remembered how for his 50th he had said to everyone that all he wanted for his birthday was for me to still be with him. Now he is 51 and I haven't gone anywhere yet.

We are having a full and hectic social life and have been to lots of parties and meals out, and a couple of weddings which I try to balance out with lots of cycling and walking.

I wrote a list of significant dates of activities and events which have happened since my original diagnosis.

I knew it was a lot but even I can't believe just how much has happened. It truly is phenomenal and reflecting upon it reinforces to me how truly fortunate I am. I liken myself to a cat with nine lives and wonder how many chances I have left.

It is great to be feeling so much stronger of late which means I can give my boys plenty of attention. For example one evening after school I set up a chocolate fountain and we gorged ourselves on the chunks of fruit that I chopped up to dip in it. We made such a mess and the machine was a complete nightmare to clean. Yet it was so totally worth it, if only for the sake of sharing another special moment together.

Sometimes I am not so good. I still get very achy and tired and occasionally take myself off to bed very early. Tom gets a little exasperated with me as he protectively tries to keep the boys away from our bedroom in order for me to rest. Yet sometimes gravitational instinct seems to kick in and I can guarantee that almost every time i will end up with both boys in the room with me.

Jacob is usually the first to arrive with his computer in hand as he lands on the bed beside me clicking away. Then Lewis appears worried he might be missing out and lays comfortably across my feet at the end of my bed amusing us both with his ramblings. Jacob and I are very connected with our thinking and sense of humour but Lewis is totally and hilariously random. Maybe their subconscious minds have homed in on mine and they know how much I need to feel their closeness, especially if I am feeling a bit tired and down. I worry so so much about how life will be for them without their mum and I hate the fact that I will not know them as adults. But I do know that they are good boys and I can only hope their lives will turn out as wonderfully as I believe they deserve.

4:38pm Thursday 18th October 2007

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