It is hard to believe that not so long ago I spent nights crying myself to sleep at the thought of not being around for my children as they grow up.

Now I find myself writing as the mother of a teenager.

Jacob had his 13th birthday during the Easter holidays so we had a house full of boys for a sleepover. They ate loads of party food including various fruits and sweets dunked in Lewis's chocolate fountain. I really enjoyed making all the food up and other than that the boys were pretty independent...

They spent time in the hot tub and we bought a basketball net which Tom put up in the garden. The remainder of their night was spent on computers and chatting - quite loudly as it happens - but they are a good bunch of lads and Lewis had his friend to stay too so he was happy.

Tom took the week of the Easter holidays off work and we took both boys, with a friend each, to Chessington World of Adventures.

Our friends Lesley and Alan accompanied us with their daughter Anna and her friend. Lesley has had a stroke and has an electric wheelchair, the only ride Lesley and I had was in the wheelchairs which we scooted around on.

Between watching rides and drinking tea we reminisced about our wilder days and how we would have been on all the rides but in all honesty I feel like I've been there, done that and now it's the turn of others.

Aiming to ensure that all my friends are less active in my support, I dragged my friends Neil and Cleo to a tortoise society open meeting in Lewes - well it's time we all slowed down a bit.

Actually, it turned out to be a pretty amazing day as it was when it snowed so heavily. It was so beautiful and it filled me with joy as I watched the snowflakes falling and settling through the old village hall window.

The minute we got home Lewis and I rushed out for a snowball fight on The Green (CORR, THAT'S THE NAME OF WHERE SHE LIVES). It was great fun but I must admit some of Lewis's throws were a bit boisterous and rough on a sick old girl like me.

Only a week or so later we were enjoying the sun on our faces as we sat on Southwick beach with out friend Kelly, throwing pebbles to see who could hit the drink can first.

I have to say my throwing isn't what it used to be since I have had all the surgery on my right side and I certainly appreciated feeling the sun on my face.

During Tom's week off we managed a couple of days away together. Mum looked after the boys and we went to London for a hotel break and the theatre. We were getting to the point that we needed some quality time alone together and it was a fabulous weekend but we came home early as I felt so ill with agonising indigestion of all things.

So far, although I realise it is still very early days, I feel quite happy on my new chemotherapy regime. I am still having a high number of dizzy spells and headaches but when I am feeling well I do feel really good and I think so far that outweighs the bad.

On the home front, I am definitely managing more with cooking and housework and I have started online shopping. It doesn't do my head any favours as trying to concentrate on the computer is such a painful task but I do love the sense of achievement and the fact that I am still able to contribute on the domestic front.

Power walking has also been back on the agenda, although obviously very much toned down from what I used to do.

The upside overall is that I think, slowly but surely, my weight is beginning to come down and the down side is that my hair is beginning to thin.

Meeting amazing people seems to be par for the course of the journey I am travelling and recently I got chatting to the father of one of Lewis's new friends.

He too has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and we spent a good couple of hours discussing the ailments, treatments and coping strategies.

I find talking really beneficial - I am not so good at shutting up though - yet even now when I sit and reflect or hear myself jabbering on about my cancer journey, it can still feel so unreal. Yet my cancer dominates my life so much, to the point where I simply view it as a part of who I am.

The night is always my most reflective time and quite often when I write my diaries as I did this month.

Only after I had written up my entry on this occasion I was feeling a bit heady. I got up to go to the loo and instantly collapsed - unfortunately, flat onto my face.

I felt like I had been unconscious for ages, everyone was asleep but my scream for help as I went down woke them all.

There was an awful lot of blood and I've ruined the upstairs hall carpet, not to mention the mess I've made of my face. My nose and eyes are black and very swollen and I have carpet burns on and under my nose and there was me thinking I couldn't look any worse.

All credit to my family who were all brilliant. My mum and her husband David even drove over from a party near Horsham following a phone call from Jacob...

All I really wanted to do was sleep and I managed well but my head was very painful in the morning so Tom and I did end up spending a few hours in Worthing Hospital's casualty department.

You can email me at sandra.carey-boggans@ntlworld.com.

3:36pm Wednesday 7th May 2008

Print

Email this