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10:20am Wednesday 21st May 2008
A reporter walks into a bar... No, seriously - it's not a joke.
A new guide has ranked every pub in Brighton and Hove so we sent Miles Godfrey on the reporting assignment of his life to check some of them out.
I have seen the light - I know the perfect formula for a pub.
Boozers started appearing when the Romans got here. But what did they know?
It has taken centuries for us to perfect the art of the pub - an art in which Brighton can rightly claim to be world beaters.
The perfect formula for a pub goes something like this: Atmosphere + good beer + good music + friendly staff, with a dash of a nice garden = A GOOD PUB.
Not so difficult is it? But literally hundreds of pubs across Sussex, indeed across the country, get it wrong all too often.
Most can manage one of the above ingredients, some even two or three.
But few have all five.
My epiphany came about an hour into some research to find Brighton's best pub.
A new book, handily titled Brighton's Best Pubs, written by the mysteriously named Pub Jury and available in all good bookshops, claims to have discovered the best this city has to offer.
But in the name of rigorous journalism, their lofty claims needed to be put to the test.
So, stomach suitably lined, and with a keenness which would have put one of Alan Sugar's Apprentices to shame, I set off to visit the supposed best five pubs in the city.
The Dragon, in St George's Road, Kemp Town, is, according to the book, Brighton's fifth best pub.
Highly praised for its "great and varied menu", and its "amazing decor", it scored an instant hit with me.
Landlord Pete Wass, who has run The Dragon for three years, offered me a free shot of rum one of his punters had brought back from Dubrovnik.
Not one to be shy I duly downed it and ordered a beer. Lovely stuff.
The locals were friendly, if perhaps a little inebriated, Pete was friendly and the music was good.
Feeling bold and with that familiar warm fuzziness welling up inside me, I eagerly set off for Brighton's fourth best pub (according to the book).
Southover Street's The Pub With No Name is definitely a fine establishment, well loved by locals and spacious.
It was praised in the book for having an atmosphere "like a house party" and good food.
It was hardly buzzing, but then at 3pm that could be forgiven.
I chatted with a couple of lads in there after ordering a second beer.
James Tester, 28, reckons he visits the pub twice a week. He said: "I think it's the fact it's a friendly place is the main reason I come down - that and the beer obviously."
Third on my list of liquid liaisons (and yes, you guessed it, third best in the book) was The Hop Poles in Middle Street.
This is a veritable legend of pub, selling as it does, not only beer but sweets out of jars.
It has a cracking atmosphere, even during the day, a super beer garden and a wide variety of booze.
The only down side is that it is a bit pricey - £3.40 for a pint of Foster's.
Having lightened my wallet somewhat, I sat down to my frosty beverage with relish - a relish which was fast becoming lubricated with the growing amount of beer inside my belly. The book describes The Hop Poles as a "relaxed, modern pub with good beer and great food".
I didn't sample any of the grub but it did smell fantastic. I did, however, have another rum, in the name of research, obviously.
The art made out of old hubcaps lining the ceiling looked good. Mind you, everything looked pretty good at this stage.
Right, onwards and upwards.
I staggered out The Hop Poles, managing not to trip over the kerb and narrowly avoiding a passing car and got my driver (a necessity for this type of work) to whisk me up to Open House in Springfield Road.
This massive pub, rated number two in the book, is extremely friendly and has a great atmosphere.
Trying to keep as sober as I could, I chatted to bar staff, who ran me through their range of beers.
One said: "We're pretty proud of the range we've got. There's a decent number of wines too."
The rest of my time in Open House was a bit of blur but, suffice to say, I agreed with the book's rating.
I approached number one, The Basketmakers Arms, in Gloucester Road, with some trepidation.
It's so highly praised in the book I thought it could never live up to the expectations.
To be fair, it pretty much did.
Bar staff are dead friendly and the food looked and smelled amazing. Beer seemed well kept and tasty.
The best thing about this boozer is its quirkiness. And this is why Brighton pubs are the best.
Punters regularly leave little messages inside the tins which line the pub's walls, the customers here are among the most diverse you will find and even during the mid-afternoon it was packed.
The only downside? No beer garden, although it does have seating outside.
Which brings me back to my magic pub formula.
None of the above had all five of my ingredients - although most had four.
Perhaps the perfect pub doesn't exist after all. But I reckon if I was a landlord I'd give it a damn good go.
To watch Miles' video report, click here.
What are your favourite pubs in Brighton and Hove? Tell us below.
jimbo, Hove says...
11:02am Wed 21 May 08
bob todd, Brighton says...
11:24am Wed 21 May 08
Alfie, Hove says...
11:39am Wed 21 May 08
aa, brighton says...
12:02pm Wed 21 May 08
Mr Grumpy, Brighton says...
12:18pm Wed 21 May 08
Jayne, legless says...
12:21pm Wed 21 May 08
aa wrote:Could not agree more most shocking service has to be Park View, last time I was there the bar was full of people wanting a drink and the lad behind the bar decided to stack some coffee cups before serving. Food cheap and quite good though!
The open house?? Gimme a break The service is terrible - the only pub with worse service is the Park View on Preston Drove
Basil Fawlty, brighton says...
12:23pm Wed 21 May 08
Oliver Reed, Brighton says...
12:30pm Wed 21 May 08
Shanta, The Bar says...
12:38pm Wed 21 May 08
Steve, Brighton says...
12:40pm Wed 21 May 08
Well in which order did he visit the pubs. If you read the report he went 5 down to 1. If you watch the video he goes from 1 to 5 !
juddah, brighton says...
12:58pm Wed 21 May 08
sm, says...
1:02pm Wed 21 May 08
Mr Grumpy wrote:because that's what londoners want thesedays.
Why is it that 'pubs' that rip out the comfy seating and strip the floors to increase noise levels, remove the Harvey's beer pump and double the price of the remaining continental-style lagers - and change a perfectly good historical name to something daft - are so popular?
Flat Foot Soozie, Brunswick Square says...
1:04pm Wed 21 May 08
David, under the table says...
1:08pm Wed 21 May 08
zz, brighton says...
1:08pm Wed 21 May 08
Jayne wrote:So it's not just me then...
aa wrote: The open house?? Gimme a break The service is terrible - the only pub with worse service is the Park View on Preston DroveCould not agree more most shocking service has to be Park View, last time I was there the bar was full of people wanting a drink and the lad behind the bar decided to stack some coffee cups before serving. Food cheap and quite good though!
Foxy, Lamma Island, HK says...
1:16pm Wed 21 May 08
!!!, Brighton says...
1:20pm Wed 21 May 08
gllgg, Brighton says...
1:44pm Wed 21 May 08
Dave, Hove says...
1:50pm Wed 21 May 08
The Master, Brighton says...
2:06pm Wed 21 May 08
The Master, says...
2:15pm Wed 21 May 08
juddah wrote:Indeed but have you ever wondered how they can afford to sell there beer/spirits so cheaply
Probably Brightons most famous pub, the Bulldog on St James Street takes some beating for atmosphere and drinks at £1.23. Stuff the rest!
willy wonker, hove says...
2:15pm Wed 21 May 08
Marc, Brighton says...
2:27pm Wed 21 May 08
zz wrote:The Park View really does seem to be getting a deserved beating on here. It is truly terrible when it comes to service. It could be so great (and a goldmine) if it maintained investment and had interested owners .... Why is Preston Park so rubbish when it comes to its pubs?
Jayne wrote:So it\'s not just me then... The Park View would be a great pub if they could get their bar service sorted out... I\'ve often had to wait 30+ minutes for a drink - even though there are only 10 people queuing at the bar.aa wrote: The open house?? Gimme a break The service is terrible - the only pub with worse service is the Park View on Preston DroveCould not agree more most shocking service has to be Park View, last time I was there the bar was full of people wanting a drink and the lad behind the bar decided to stack some coffee cups before serving. Food cheap and quite good though!
jimbo, Hove says...
2:46pm Wed 21 May 08
Alfie, Hove says...
2:58pm Wed 21 May 08
juddah, brighton says...
2:59pm Wed 21 May 08
The Master wrote:How? By having a huge volume of folk in and out all the time. 24hours at weekend... roll on!
juddah wrote: Probably Brightons most famous pub, the Bulldog on St James Street takes some beating for atmosphere and drinks at £1.23. Stuff the rest!Indeed but have you ever wondered how they can afford to sell there beer/spirits so cheaply
Deano, Kemptown says...
3:16pm Wed 21 May 08
The Master wrote:It's with the profits from their cockroach farm that sub the punters.
juddah wrote: Probably Brightons most famous pub, the Bulldog on St James Street takes some beating for atmosphere and drinks at £1.23. Stuff the rest!Indeed but have you ever wondered how they can afford to sell there beer/spirits so cheaply
bobby oneball, Brighton says...
3:20pm Wed 21 May 08
The Master, Brighton says...
3:22pm Wed 21 May 08
Deano wrote:wAs in Bully at weekend, very cheap round, two pints of Carling Black Label.
The Master wrote:It\'s with the profits from their cockroach farm that sub the punters.juddah wrote: Probably Brightons most famous pub, the Bulldog on St James Street takes some beating for atmosphere and drinks at £1.23. Stuff the rest!Indeed but have you ever wondered how they can afford to sell there beer/spirits so cheaply
Greg, Hove says...
3:34pm Wed 21 May 08
BigH, Brighton says...
3:43pm Wed 21 May 08
Marc, Brighton says...
3:48pm Wed 21 May 08
The Master wrote:Ummm and I bet you had a good reason not to go to work on Monday......
Deano wrote:wAs in Bully at weekend, very cheap round, two pints of Carling Black Label. One Double Diamond and a blackcurrant Hooch all for Under a fiverThe Master wrote:It\\\'s with the profits from their cockroach farm that sub the punters.juddah wrote: Probably Brightons most famous pub, the Bulldog on St James Street takes some beating for atmosphere and drinks at £1.23. Stuff the rest!Indeed but have you ever wondered how they can afford to sell there beer/spirits so cheaply
brightonbeat, Brighton says...
4:01pm Wed 21 May 08
bob, Brighton says...
4:03pm Wed 21 May 08
bob, Brighton says...
4:04pm Wed 21 May 08
Gino, Portslade says...
4:15pm Wed 21 May 08
Frank, Brighton says...
4:59pm Wed 21 May 08
brightonbeat wrote:That's right; all of those you mentioned are decent pubs - it's staggering that the Evening Star could be left off a list of Brighton's best pubs.
Well.... just goes to show what happens when you spend your days trying to make some cash by writing a book on pubs. Your judgement becomes as cloudy as the beer in at least 3 of the top 5 pubs in his list. The Basketmakers and perhaps the Dragon are the only worthy pubs in the list. The Open House is staffed by rude and lazy kids more interested in having a chat with each other ( and eating at the bar ) than serving the customers. And The Pub with No Name is just...well...averag
e really, and The Hop Poles is way over priced!! What about The Albert, The Greys, The Evening Star, The Nelson.... All real pubs run by caring and dedicated teams of staff, all serving great beer, great food and certainly more like in the same league as The BasketMakers.
sm, says...
5:38pm Wed 21 May 08
Seagull, Brighton, of course says...
6:22pm Wed 21 May 08
Mr Servicw, Btn says...
9:33am Thu 22 May 08
zz wrote:How tall are you?
Jayne wrote:So it\'s not just me then... The Park View would be a great pub if they could get their bar service sorted out... I\'ve often had to wait 30+ minutes for a drink - even though there are only 10 people queuing at the bar.aa wrote: The open house?? Gimme a break The service is terrible - the only pub with worse service is the Park View on Preston DroveCould not agree more most shocking service has to be Park View, last time I was there the bar was full of people wanting a drink and the lad behind the bar decided to stack some coffee cups before serving. Food cheap and quite good though!
Mr. Muffin, Brighton says...
9:53am Thu 22 May 08
Vodka Queen, Seven Dials says...
2:28pm Thu 22 May 08
Clive, Lewes says...
3:50pm Thu 22 May 08
Someone, says...
6:16pm Sat 24 May 08
Spanish Gentleman, Up the Toby in Woodingdean loving it says...
8:08pm Sun 25 May 08
Tony, Brighton says...
11:53am Tue 27 May 08
Rob, Brighton says...
3:28pm Tue 27 May 08
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censored, Brighton says...
10:43am Wed 21 May 08
It also had short paragraphs of text for each pub that were often out of kilter with the scores: "Great pub, good beer, nice food Score: 22%"