The ArgusRape crisis centre director answers your questions (From The Argus)

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Rape crisis centre director answers your questions

The Argus: Fabia Bates, director of Survivors' Network Fabia Bates, director of Survivors' Network

Some 1,000 people are helped each year by rape crisis centre Survivors' Network.

The charity provides vital emotional support and practical information for people affected by sexual violence including, rape, ritual abuse, childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault.

Staff and volunteers support vulnerable victims through its helpline, drop in, counselling and advocacy services.

This week newly appointed director Fabia Bates, who has more than twenty years experience in the voluntary sector, answers your questions.

Leave your questions below or send to finn.scott-delany@theargus.co.uk

Comments (22)

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3:22pm Tue 18 Feb 14

clubrob6 says...

Do you think the police do enough to catch rapists quite often for example in the argus its several months or even longer before the police ask for help.Surely for any realistic chance for some one to be caught an appeal for information should go out right away especially since brighton and hove is a tourist city.By the time the police get round to asking for help the rapist is well gone and could even be abroad.
Do you think the police do enough to catch rapists quite often for example in the argus its several months or even longer before the police ask for help.Surely for any realistic chance for some one to be caught an appeal for information should go out right away especially since brighton and hove is a tourist city.By the time the police get round to asking for help the rapist is well gone and could even be abroad. clubrob6
  • Score: -4

3:43pm Tue 18 Feb 14

VariSpook says...

What are your plans for busting myths around rape and sexual violence and reducing stigma?
What are your plans for busting myths around rape and sexual violence and reducing stigma? VariSpook
  • Score: 1

3:44pm Tue 18 Feb 14

VariSpook says...

...stigma attached to the victims I mean.
...stigma attached to the victims I mean. VariSpook
  • Score: 1

3:54pm Tue 18 Feb 14

Sir Prised says...

A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?
A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety? Sir Prised
  • Score: 3

6:38pm Tue 18 Feb 14

fredaj says...

Sir Prised wrote:
A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?
And you are asking this question because you think she is going to agree with you?
[quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?[/p][/quote]And you are asking this question because you think she is going to agree with you? fredaj
  • Score: 2

7:05pm Tue 18 Feb 14

Sir Prised says...

fredaj wrote:
Sir Prised wrote:
A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?
And you are asking this question because you think she is going to agree with you?
No, I'm asking to see what her opinion is.
[quote][p][bold]fredaj[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?[/p][/quote]And you are asking this question because you think she is going to agree with you?[/p][/quote]No, I'm asking to see what her opinion is. Sir Prised
  • Score: 1

7:46pm Tue 18 Feb 14

Maxwell's Ghost says...

Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children?
Just asking her opinion.
Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children? Just asking her opinion. Maxwell's Ghost
  • Score: 5

8:38pm Tue 18 Feb 14

From beer to uncertainty says...

What is the Zina Ordinance?

Why won't some major religions and religious leaders in the UK condemn female child genital mutilation, paedophilia, forced marriage and statutory rape? Wife-beating is advocated along with the suggested methods to be used - and yet nothing happens for fear of offending the advocates and perpetrators of such crimes?

It seems sad that a somewhat senile debate continues to linger around miniskirts and alcopops when a significant proportion of the female population (adult and child) go seemingly unprotected by politicians not wanting to be seen as culturally insensitive?
Not a single attempted prosecution for female genital mutilation in the UK, I believe. Is it time people starting genuinely saying 'no means no' to barbaric religious practices as well?
What is the Zina Ordinance? Why won't some major religions and religious leaders in the UK condemn female child genital mutilation, paedophilia, forced marriage and statutory rape? Wife-beating is advocated along with the suggested methods to be used - and yet nothing happens for fear of offending the advocates and perpetrators of such crimes? It seems sad that a somewhat senile debate continues to linger around miniskirts and alcopops when a significant proportion of the female population (adult and child) go seemingly unprotected by politicians not wanting to be seen as culturally insensitive? Not a single attempted prosecution for female genital mutilation in the UK, I believe. Is it time people starting genuinely saying 'no means no' to barbaric religious practices as well? From beer to uncertainty
  • Score: 0

8:58pm Tue 18 Feb 14

imfree! says...

I woke up on Brighton beach and my old arse was like a pound of chopped liver.
I woke up on Brighton beach and my old arse was like a pound of chopped liver. imfree!
  • Score: 4

9:13pm Tue 18 Feb 14

Sir Prised says...

Maxwell's Ghost wrote:
Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children?
Just asking her opinion.
And as for the men, should they be drunk, half-naked and laying in a gutter, perhaps it could be said they they are placing themselves at unnecessary risk. What do you think ? Evil people DO exist. As for children, personally I don't thing they have the same degree of responsibility as adults and so no, children are never in any way responsible. Of course you are perfectly entitled to put your question. That was what is being offered here.
[quote][p][bold]Maxwell's Ghost[/bold] wrote: Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children? Just asking her opinion.[/p][/quote]And as for the men, should they be drunk, half-naked and laying in a gutter, perhaps it could be said they they are placing themselves at unnecessary risk. What do you think ? Evil people DO exist. As for children, personally I don't thing they have the same degree of responsibility as adults and so no, children are never in any way responsible. Of course you are perfectly entitled to put your question. That was what is being offered here. Sir Prised
  • Score: -3

10:53pm Tue 18 Feb 14

Maxwell's Ghost says...

I reported on sex cases for 30 years. Only one woman could have considered to have placed herself in danger by walking home alone at night.
The others were all attacked by people they knew and trusted including a taxi driver, a police officer, a charity worker and many pillars of the community and most attacks were in ordinary life scenarios, in their own homes, workplaces etc
There were a few wife beating drunks but honestly, most were shockingly unremarkable victims and attackers hence the difficulty in identifying rapists before they strike. It never ceased to surprise me when the attackers family would deny their son or brother had committed such a horrific crime, even when extreme violence had been used on the victim and their DNA was splashed everywhere.
I reported on sex cases for 30 years. Only one woman could have considered to have placed herself in danger by walking home alone at night. The others were all attacked by people they knew and trusted including a taxi driver, a police officer, a charity worker and many pillars of the community and most attacks were in ordinary life scenarios, in their own homes, workplaces etc There were a few wife beating drunks but honestly, most were shockingly unremarkable victims and attackers hence the difficulty in identifying rapists before they strike. It never ceased to surprise me when the attackers family would deny their son or brother had committed such a horrific crime, even when extreme violence had been used on the victim and their DNA was splashed everywhere. Maxwell's Ghost
  • Score: 2

11:25pm Tue 18 Feb 14

Minion says...

It always comes down to the same ridiculous thinking: that it's accepted that men rape, because "rape happens", but it's not accepted that women can dress how they like, because they're somehow asking to be raped if they wear a short skirt..

Is it a man's responsibility to not rape people? Apparently not, somehow it's the victim's responsibility to not get raped.

It's like saying fire is hot so don't touch it or you'll get burned, bees sting so don't bother them or they'll sting you, men rape so don't wear short skirts at night when you're alone or you'll get raped.
As if rape is a normal, natural and expected result of a woman walking home alone at night, it's not normal and it's not acceptable to rape.
It always comes down to the same ridiculous thinking: that it's accepted that men rape, because "rape happens", but it's not accepted that women can dress how they like, because they're somehow asking to be raped if they wear a short skirt.. Is it a man's responsibility to not rape people? Apparently not, somehow it's the victim's responsibility to not get raped. It's like saying fire is hot so don't touch it or you'll get burned, bees sting so don't bother them or they'll sting you, men rape so don't wear short skirts at night when you're alone or you'll get raped. As if rape is a normal, natural and expected result of a woman walking home alone at night, it's not normal and it's not acceptable to rape. Minion
  • Score: 2

11:56pm Tue 18 Feb 14

fredaj says...

Sir Prised wrote:
fredaj wrote:
Sir Prised wrote:
A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?
And you are asking this question because you think she is going to agree with you?
No, I'm asking to see what her opinion is.
No you are not. You are asking this because you are offensive.
[quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]fredaj[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: A constant point of debate is whether some women contrbute to being attacked- and I'm not talking about known assailants - by their own behaviour. Of course such assaults are ALWAYS wrong... but... knowing there are burglars about, would I be considered irresponsoble to leave my house or car unlocked? Likewise,s would I be irresponsibly increasing my risk by dressing provocatively and being so drunk I have lost all sense of decorum and awareness for my own safety?[/p][/quote]And you are asking this question because you think she is going to agree with you?[/p][/quote]No, I'm asking to see what her opinion is.[/p][/quote]No you are not. You are asking this because you are offensive. fredaj
  • Score: -2

11:59pm Tue 18 Feb 14

fredaj says...

Minion wrote:
It always comes down to the same ridiculous thinking: that it's accepted that men rape, because "rape happens", but it's not accepted that women can dress how they like, because they're somehow asking to be raped if they wear a short skirt..

Is it a man's responsibility to not rape people? Apparently not, somehow it's the victim's responsibility to not get raped.

It's like saying fire is hot so don't touch it or you'll get burned, bees sting so don't bother them or they'll sting you, men rape so don't wear short skirts at night when you're alone or you'll get raped.
As if rape is a normal, natural and expected result of a woman walking home alone at night, it's not normal and it's not acceptable to rape.
Yep, that's right - meaning such a proposition should be equally as offensive to men as women.

No one is to blame for rape except the rapist.
[quote][p][bold]Minion[/bold] wrote: It always comes down to the same ridiculous thinking: that it's accepted that men rape, because "rape happens", but it's not accepted that women can dress how they like, because they're somehow asking to be raped if they wear a short skirt.. Is it a man's responsibility to not rape people? Apparently not, somehow it's the victim's responsibility to not get raped. It's like saying fire is hot so don't touch it or you'll get burned, bees sting so don't bother them or they'll sting you, men rape so don't wear short skirts at night when you're alone or you'll get raped. As if rape is a normal, natural and expected result of a woman walking home alone at night, it's not normal and it's not acceptable to rape.[/p][/quote]Yep, that's right - meaning such a proposition should be equally as offensive to men as women. No one is to blame for rape except the rapist. fredaj
  • Score: 3

12:06am Wed 19 Feb 14

fredaj says...

Sir Prised wrote:
Maxwell's Ghost wrote:
Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children?
Just asking her opinion.
And as for the men, should they be drunk, half-naked and laying in a gutter, perhaps it could be said they they are placing themselves at unnecessary risk. What do you think ? Evil people DO exist. As for children, personally I don't thing they have the same degree of responsibility as adults and so no, children are never in any way responsible. Of course you are perfectly entitled to put your question. That was what is being offered here.
Putting yourself at risk is not the same as being partly to blame and raping someone who is unconscious in the gutter in completely and utterly the decision and the act of the rapist.

Out of interest, if you find someone drunk and in the gutter - do you rape them?
[quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Maxwell's Ghost[/bold] wrote: Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children? Just asking her opinion.[/p][/quote]And as for the men, should they be drunk, half-naked and laying in a gutter, perhaps it could be said they they are placing themselves at unnecessary risk. What do you think ? Evil people DO exist. As for children, personally I don't thing they have the same degree of responsibility as adults and so no, children are never in any way responsible. Of course you are perfectly entitled to put your question. That was what is being offered here.[/p][/quote]Putting yourself at risk is not the same as being partly to blame and raping someone who is unconscious in the gutter in completely and utterly the decision and the act of the rapist. Out of interest, if you find someone drunk and in the gutter - do you rape them? fredaj
  • Score: 1

6:52am Wed 19 Feb 14

Sir Prised says...

fredaj wrote:
Sir Prised wrote:
Maxwell's Ghost wrote:
Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children?
Just asking her opinion.
And as for the men, should they be drunk, half-naked and laying in a gutter, perhaps it could be said they they are placing themselves at unnecessary risk. What do you think ? Evil people DO exist. As for children, personally I don't thing they have the same degree of responsibility as adults and so no, children are never in any way responsible. Of course you are perfectly entitled to put your question. That was what is being offered here.
Putting yourself at risk is not the same as being partly to blame and raping someone who is unconscious in the gutter in completely and utterly the decision and the act of the rapist.

Out of interest, if you find someone drunk and in the gutter - do you rape them?
I will treat that with the contempt it deserves.

Everyone protects things they view of value. i.e. lock the front door, lock the car, put valuables in a safe or hide them. Why do you think they do this ? I suggest it's because although they know robbery is worng, it's a viable risk and they therefore take PRECAUTIONS. To raise girls and young women to think they can ignore that, is itself irresponsible, especially so as it's likely any possible assailant will also have their judgement imparied by drink. There's being idealistic and there's being realistic.
[quote][p][bold]fredaj[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Maxwell's Ghost[/bold] wrote: Men are sometimes raped, although the cases are rarer. Do you think they contribute to being attacked? The same for children? Just asking her opinion.[/p][/quote]And as for the men, should they be drunk, half-naked and laying in a gutter, perhaps it could be said they they are placing themselves at unnecessary risk. What do you think ? Evil people DO exist. As for children, personally I don't thing they have the same degree of responsibility as adults and so no, children are never in any way responsible. Of course you are perfectly entitled to put your question. That was what is being offered here.[/p][/quote]Putting yourself at risk is not the same as being partly to blame and raping someone who is unconscious in the gutter in completely and utterly the decision and the act of the rapist. Out of interest, if you find someone drunk and in the gutter - do you rape them?[/p][/quote]I will treat that with the contempt it deserves. Everyone protects things they view of value. i.e. lock the front door, lock the car, put valuables in a safe or hide them. Why do you think they do this ? I suggest it's because although they know robbery is worng, it's a viable risk and they therefore take PRECAUTIONS. To raise girls and young women to think they can ignore that, is itself irresponsible, especially so as it's likely any possible assailant will also have their judgement imparied by drink. There's being idealistic and there's being realistic. Sir Prised
  • Score: -3

7:06am Wed 19 Feb 14

Maxwell's Ghost says...

Perhaps Sirlrised you are suggesting that all men are potential rapists. If that's the case then should we all be locked up or tagged or be chemically castrated because if we are the problem why punish the innocent women or children?
And would you need to lock your car or front door if blokes were all locked up? Would a world of women see a cultural change?
Perhaps Sirlrised you are suggesting that all men are potential rapists. If that's the case then should we all be locked up or tagged or be chemically castrated because if we are the problem why punish the innocent women or children? And would you need to lock your car or front door if blokes were all locked up? Would a world of women see a cultural change? Maxwell's Ghost
  • Score: 5

7:20am Wed 19 Feb 14

Sir Prised says...

Surely that's the same as suggesting all people are potential burglars which is ridiculous. We protect ourselves from those who would offend against us, knowing that they exist. If we protect ordinary 'valuables', what is more valuable than our own bodies. I really do believe that people are trying to spread a kind of idealism which doesn't exist, in order to avoid their own responsibilities.
Surely that's the same as suggesting all people are potential burglars which is ridiculous. We protect ourselves from those who would offend against us, knowing that they exist. If we protect ordinary 'valuables', what is more valuable than our own bodies. I really do believe that people are trying to spread a kind of idealism which doesn't exist, in order to avoid their own responsibilities. Sir Prised
  • Score: -4

12:22pm Wed 19 Feb 14

Minion says...

If you have 10 minutes, watch this video.

http://www.huffingto
npost.com/2014/02/07
/gender-roles-revers
ed-film-oppressed-ma
jority_n_4740248.htm
l
If you have 10 minutes, watch this video. http://www.huffingto npost.com/2014/02/07 /gender-roles-revers ed-film-oppressed-ma jority_n_4740248.htm l Minion
  • Score: 0

12:54pm Wed 19 Feb 14

fredaj says...

Sir Prised wrote:
Surely that's the same as suggesting all people are potential burglars which is ridiculous. We protect ourselves from those who would offend against us, knowing that they exist. If we protect ordinary 'valuables', what is more valuable than our own bodies. I really do believe that people are trying to spread a kind of idealism which doesn't exist, in order to avoid their own responsibilities.
You are comparing a women's vagina or a man's anus to door that is being made available for access by all and sundry for their free access on the basis that it has not been kept locked - that is what is ridiculous.

Now, stop being a troll.
[quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: Surely that's the same as suggesting all people are potential burglars which is ridiculous. We protect ourselves from those who would offend against us, knowing that they exist. If we protect ordinary 'valuables', what is more valuable than our own bodies. I really do believe that people are trying to spread a kind of idealism which doesn't exist, in order to avoid their own responsibilities.[/p][/quote]You are comparing a women's vagina or a man's anus to door that is being made available for access by all and sundry for their free access on the basis that it has not been kept locked - that is what is ridiculous. Now, stop being a troll. fredaj
  • Score: 2

1:40pm Wed 19 Feb 14

Sir Prised says...

fredaj wrote:
Sir Prised wrote:
Surely that's the same as suggesting all people are potential burglars which is ridiculous. We protect ourselves from those who would offend against us, knowing that they exist. If we protect ordinary 'valuables', what is more valuable than our own bodies. I really do believe that people are trying to spread a kind of idealism which doesn't exist, in order to avoid their own responsibilities.
You are comparing a women's vagina or a man's anus to door that is being made available for access by all and sundry for their free access on the basis that it has not been kept locked - that is what is ridiculous.

Now, stop being a troll.
None so blind as those that will not see !
[quote][p][bold]fredaj[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Sir Prised[/bold] wrote: Surely that's the same as suggesting all people are potential burglars which is ridiculous. We protect ourselves from those who would offend against us, knowing that they exist. If we protect ordinary 'valuables', what is more valuable than our own bodies. I really do believe that people are trying to spread a kind of idealism which doesn't exist, in order to avoid their own responsibilities.[/p][/quote]You are comparing a women's vagina or a man's anus to door that is being made available for access by all and sundry for their free access on the basis that it has not been kept locked - that is what is ridiculous. Now, stop being a troll.[/p][/quote]None so blind as those that will not see ! Sir Prised
  • Score: -1

8:00pm Wed 19 Feb 14

Maxwell's Ghost says...

Maybe Sir Prised has a guilty conscience.
Maybe Sir Prised has a guilty conscience. Maxwell's Ghost
  • Score: 1

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