NO KIDDING – a school has announced one of its pet goats is to take up a new role as an online agony uncle.

Professor Alan T Goat is no silly billy and he promises to answer questions sent in to Twitter from his comfortable pen at Varndean School, Brighton.

He will be ruminating on some of the most challenging lifestyle questions the world of social media can provide after a change of career from school pet to the internet’s first Agony Goat.

The announcement of his new responsibilities came unexpectedly from the Balfour Road school, which in February installed Alan T Goat and four caprine friends which became an instant hit with staff and students.

The five pygmy goats, Maya, Bertie, Ethel, William, and Alan – now Professor Alan T Goat – were the idea of Hilary Goldsmith, the school’s director of finance, who noticed that an enclosed grassy courtyard could benefit from grazing.

She obtained the animals from her former school, which has a farm and wanted to rehome them.

Yesterday a statement on the school’s “varndeangoats” website said: “The Varndean goats are pleased to announce their newest and most exciting online venture yet.

“From today, Professor Alan T Goat will be offering advice and guidance to anyone who needs it. Think of him like an Agony Uncle in caprine form.”

Fans are also invited to send Alan a private direct message, and, “he promises to anonymise your name before bleating it all over the internet”.

In a postscript, the school clarified lightheartedly: “Please note that Alan the goat is not a qualified therapist and is, in fact, a standard pygmy goat.

“Any advice offered by Alan is purely that, and he cannot be held responsible for any actions taken by others as a result of his advice.”

Certainly his advice is expected to be a little inconsistent – some have even warned it may be capricious.

Already he has been asked nutrition advice from a Twitter user unsure whether to enjoy chips and beans or a salad for lunch.

To which he replied: “Ooh, this is an easy one. Have chips egg and beans. Then put the salad items in a box and post them to Alan, Varndean School, Brighton UK.”

Find Alan online at www.twitter.com/askalangoat or publish a question with the hashtag #AskAlan and you can be sure to receive advice which is sage... or thymely, depending on what he has been eating.