"This weekend we are going to do some serious gardening," I said to daughter.

"Where?" she asked. "In the garden of course".

"Oh, I see. OK I'll come to the garden centre with you and help you choose," she replied.

"No, we did that last weekend," I replied. "Don't you remember?"

We had spent two hours in the garden centre choosing bulbs. Daughter kept picking exotic packs which provided one single bulb for £4.99 while I explained to her we were not one single bulb for £4.99 people. We are special offer two hundred daffodil bulbs for £2.99 type people.

Eventually we compromised and came away with a mixed selection which left enough money in my purse for us to be able to eat for the week.

"This weekend we are going to do the gardening properly, not just go shopping for nice bulbs and things. You know, digging holes and planting things and throwing out dead plants and suchlike."

"Oh," said daughter. "I can't do digging."

"Why not?" I asked.

"My nails are too long."

"So are mine," I said smugly.

"Yes," she said "but yours are false.

"Yours are sad plastic stick-on ones. You can take yours off to do the gardening and then stick them back on again afterwards.

Mine are natural and long and pretty and I want to keep them looking nice."

I wasn't too sure how to answer that as what she said was true. I have always been jealous of her beautiful slim hands and perfect long nails, especially compared to my own, bitten to the quick.

In a fit of PMT last week I went and bought a pack of stick-on nails. Once I had mastered the art of applying the strong glue to my fingers I was pleased with the result.

I now have nice nails, even if they are not real, and have discovered the joys of sitting at the table applying different shades of polish, and then admiring how my hands look.

"Will you get me some of those?" asked him indoors. "Must be a good buy as you've had at least four evenings' entertainment out of them."

Having long nails means I can also refuse to open the dog food tin in case I break them.

And I can now pick up pins and 5p pieces, things I have never been able to do before.

Getting into my purse is a bit difficult, I must admit, so I have to leave for the bus stop a little earlier. In general however being a long-nail person is cool.

Anyway I have decided daughter can and will help in the garden. After all she chose half the bulbs so she should help to plant them.

"You can wear gardening gloves," I told her, "and you can dig holes. I will sit and watch you while I admire my nails."