Do you find the only way to communicate with each other is via fault finding?

Many admirable traits may go unnoticed while you spend time seeking out shortcomings.

It is so easy to take each other for granted and although this can be comforting, it can also erode the relationship in time.

Although breaking the cycle of criticism is hard, it is not impossible.

We can only change our behaviour if we are aware of it.

It wasn't until Laura and Richard came for counselling they realised just how verbally abusive they had become. They had always had their differences but, until the last couple of years, had not expressed them in such a destructive way. They were using attack as a defence against what they expected to hear.

After several weekly sessions, the pattern started to shift.

They had begun to clarify with each other what they were saying. Instead of springing into defence mode they spent time checking out what they heard.

Quite often they had mistaken a compliment as a sarcastic remark.

I'm not suggesting you go around falsely praising your partner but even the smallest gesture deserves recognition.