When it comes to breastfeeding, mothers can’t win.
We are force-fed the reasons why we should breastfeed our child but vilified for daring to feed the child in front of strangers.
Last Wednesday (December 7), I was bullied in a café by other customers for not covering up while feeding my child.
They said it was “unpleasant” and that I should cover myself with a towel.
Since then, other mums have been sharing their stories with me.
So many of them had been asked, by other women no less, to feed in the toilets.
‘Disgusting’
One mother retorted “Will you go and eat your sandwich in the toilets?”, to which the reply was obviously no, because it was “disgusting”.
I’ve had enough of these double standards. I simply do not understand what is so abhorrent about watching a mother feed.
Why are people looking in the first place? If they know they don’t like it, they can look away.
But most of all, how can women be persecuted for doing the most natural thing they are likely to ever do with their bodies?
What strange phobia does this society have where we tolerate tabloid glamour girls baring all but a mother feeding her child in public is “unpleasant”?
I was terrified to feed in public with my first daughter, sometimes letting her cry rather than feed straight away.
I was, like many women, body conscious, not particularly keen on exposing myself in public.
In addition, we had “latching-on” challenges, so I was very nervous about battles with the breast, drawing even more attention to myself.
The mechanics of adjusting yourself in public to give your child access to the nipple are tricky for a first-time mum.
I am also a large-chested lady, so it is almost impossible to feed without a quick flash of flesh.
With my second daughter, who is now four months old, the feeding is much more successful.
I adore the nurturing moments with my child. I feel empowered as a parent and my confidence is at an all-time high.
The fact is, if a mother can’t feed openly wherever or whenever she needs to, she is backed into a very lonely, desperate existence.
Our wider support network is vital, whether that is meeting with other mothers for coffee or going to baby activities.
Some babies don’t settle well for naps in the house, so we have to leave the house to get a moment’s respite.
In those first manic months of having a baby, I wouldn’t have eaten a healthy meal or drunk a decent coffee if I didn’t take the baby out.
And if we’re out, we need to feed. It’s as simple as that.
Naturally, mothers like me will react strongly to being victimised for doing the best for our children.
We are fiercely protective of our choices as parents.
‘Them and us’
This sadly creates a ‘them and us’ culture between those who don’t have small children, which means we are most likely to retreat into our own bubbles of opinion.
I’m surprised by the women who object to public feeding, especially if they are mothers themselves.
It seems like they resent mothers who are comfortable with their ability to feed in public.
The pro-breastfeeding camp doesn’t always give the right impression either, especially in Brighton and Hove.
We know it is healthy for our babies but if you are struggling to feed for whatever reason, risking obliterating the bond between mum and baby is not worth it.
I feel if a mother has tried for a few days, a week, or a month, she has already given her child a precious gift.
Besides, if there is adequate support widely available, a multitude of breastfeeding challenges can be overcome.
If we allow old-fashioned views to become the norm, obliging women to hide away while feeding, I guarantee you will see breastfeeding rates drop, increases in post-natal depression and strain on family relationships – not to mention a drop in midweek cafe business.
If the UK is in the grip of an obesity epidemic, we need to be championing breastfeeding mothers for giving their child a great start in life.
We all seem to want a society of healthy, well-balanced children but not all are supportive of how parents do it.
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