Nick Clegg meets apprentice mechanics from across Sussex (From The Argus)

• "I do not understand. I was under the impression that this man was a politician. And yet at a time when there is great youth unemployment, he appears to be moonlighting as a mechanic. This would just about be acceptable if he was a capable mechanic, but just the other day, the Special Rotating and Revolving Machine that I bought my Mighty Horse for his last birthday ground to a halt in a mass of splintered cog-wheels and iron filings flying everywhere. Despite the Nimble Fingers of Spooner, I was unable to repair this device, and so I reached for the telephone book and summoned a mechanic.
  
  Imagine my shock and suprise when who should come knocking at my door but the Deputy Prime Minister. My Mighty Horse was a little awe-struck (he rode the crest of the Yellow Surge back at the last election, but as he is not yet allowed to vote, thankfully did not place a ballot for this man), but I was more wary, believing it to be a TV stunt catching me out for calling someone a bigot. But as those who know the gentle manner of Spooner, this is a deeply unlikely possibility.
  
  To Clegg's credit, he instantly rolled up his sleeves and began to examine the Special Machine, producing hammers and wrenches and coating it in a thin oil that he appeared to be secreting from an unknown source. Alas, as time passed, his repair techniques declined, until he was reduced to uttering the phrase "Hup-hup-hey!" whilst thrashing the remains of the Special Machine with a large claw hammer. It was at this point that I asked him politely but firmly to leave.
  
  Now, I can understand that it is important for politicians to sample all walks of life, but what is this man doing teaching young mechanics their trade when he cannot repair a simple machine? I urge anyone with a piece of broken machinery or equipment to consider an alternative repair route before putting delicate machine parts in the buttery hands of Mr Clegg!"
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