Coping with depression one day at a time (From The Argus)
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Coping with depression one day at a time
11:30am Friday 20th January 2012 in Comment and Analysis By Anne White
It is incredibly hard to have any understanding of depression unless you have experienced it.
I had my first episode aged 16, about the same time I started to develop an unhealthy relationship with food and weight.
I grew up in a very unhealthy and dysfunctional family system.
Some would say this kind of family environment can promote depression as well as eating disorders.
For me, within that system there was a genuine helplessness at the time that went on to become “adult-learnt helplessness”.
There was not one event that triggered my tendency towards depression.
For me it was more about the whole family system and family rules and beliefs I grew up with.
I saw myself, others, and the world through those beliefs until I began to challenge them.
My family was a very shame- based family.
I first became aware of depression at around 16 when I experienced low moods that would linger for days and weeks and then lift like the sun coming out again after a thunderstorm.
Eating disorder
My depression and eating disorders went on to haunt me periodically through secondary school and university, early working life and into marriage and childbearing.
Like a lot of people with an eating disorder and depression, they quite often co-exist, I was a master at pretending.
I could convince myself that I really did not have a problem with either but the really clever bit was behaving in such a way that kept others from being aware of my struggles.
The last person I would have gone to was my GP, there was far too much shame involved and I believe there are many people who still think like that.
To a certain extent there is less stigma now about having depression than when I was growing up in the ’60s and ’70s but it still exists.
Celebrities like Stephen Fry and Freddie Flintoff being very open about depression have helped to inform people about the experience of depression but I still don’t believe it is any easier to speak about it openly because of potential judgements such as “he really needs to pull himself together” or “she must be very weak”.
Emotional well being
According to MIND, 93% of those who do take time off work for stress-related illness say they lie about it to their employers.
My problem was not just emotional it was cognitive.
I automatically thought in negative ways which, in turn, impacted upon my emotional well being.
Experiencing depression impacted my relationships, my relationship with employers, and my role as a mother.
I worked incredibly hard not to let my kids suffer growing up.
Even when having a low week, I did function, and I believe I was a good mother and the relationships I now enjoy with my adult kids verify this.
I was fortunate to be married to a steady guy who provided a consistency for both the kids and myself.
My depression episodes were not a secret, we worked out how to get through as a family.
One of my personal triggers is overload, overwork, and unmanageable stress.
In any job I give 100% and I have needed to learn to address overload early on.
Sometimes employers have worked with me on this, at other times it was more difficult.
It was not until the start of my 40s that I really started to unpack my struggles.
Without medication
I deliberately chose to manage my tendency towards depression without medication and my episodes are much reduced.
I no longer view my tendency to experience depression as an inevitable tidal wave but, to a certain extent, as a string of cause and effect decisions that I must take responsibility for.
Almost twenty years ago, I researched the help available locally and began to work in a focused way with a local clinician.
With professional help, I addressed the way I thought, behaviour, historical events, and issues around self-esteem and assertiveness.
I looked at what drove my behaviour that, in turn, drove my depressions.
I made a conscious decision at that time to recover without medication.
I wanted to come face-to-face with the emotions that were so difficult.
For me, to move forward in recovery without medication felt more authentic.
I am not against medication in all circumstances but this was a personal decision based on my own history and experience.
Sometimes life is sad, events are sad, but as human beings we can process difficult emotions and events.
It does mean working through some difficult and painful things though and realising that a lot of the time this is ‘normal’.
We have choices to make as to whether we develop from pain or let it embitter us. Sometimes reaching for pills so quickly is an attempt to avoid that pain.
No matter what is taken from any human being and loss is surely at the core of any depressive illness, there is always some space for choice in response.
The victim’s “rescue me please” mentality can be turned on its head to a survivor thinking instead.
The reasons why people get depressed are as varied as people themselves and certainly not always straightforward.
Other people’s stories are not identical to my own, other people’s depressions are not identical to mine.
Personal triggers
My personal triggers are no longer rooted in personal history.
The main key for me now is balance, I will always need to keep watch on what goes out and what comes in.
I am responsible for me, my choices, my decisions and responses but I am not responsible to make everyone else OK, even those close to me.
I am learning to take one day at a time and be grateful.
Life is good and rich if I have the eyes to see the opportunities.
At the ripe old age of 58 I am learning to nourish myself spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Keeping depression away is possible one day at a time.
Anne White is a professional counsellor and can be contacted via www.pathwaysforrecovery.co.uk.
If you’re suffering from depression other help is available from Rethink Mental Health Helpline on 0808 808 3333.
Mental Health Line 0845 300 2727.
Samaritans National 0845 7909090 anytime or Brighton & Hove 01273 772277 between 10am and 10pm </>Threshold Women’s Counselling Service 01273 622886.
pearlygrey says...
7:37pm Thu 26 Jan 12