Daughter of Brighton bombing says it's important to forgive (From The Argus)

Daughter of Brighton bombing says it's important to forgive

12:05pm Tuesday 13th October 2009

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When the IRA bomb ripped through The Grand hotel in Brighton, the immediate devastation was clear to see.

But for the families and friends of the five people who lost their lives, coming to terms with the trauma has been a long process.

Jo Berry lost her father, Sir Anthony Berry, in the blast.

A quarter of a century later, she recalls how the incident and her quest for forgiveness has affected the rest of her life.

Twenty five years ago I remember waking up abruptly to the question from my sister: “A bomb has gone off at The Grand hotel.

Which hotel is dad staying at?” With this question my life was changed forever as I waited for the confirmation that my beloved dad was dead.

In the following days I remember stumbling in a daze, shocked to my core, my heart ripped with pain as I tried to function as best I could.

I made an inner vow that I would somehow bring something positive out of this tragedy.

My journey had begun.

I saw that I had a choice with my pain, whether to blame, become bitter and lose my humanity or to transform my pain through understanding and healing.

It is a choice I make every day.

Sometimes I have wanted to blame, to hurt someone else.

But I also know I would only have been hurting myself.

The peace process in 1999 gave me the opportunity to address some of my trauma at Glencree Reconciliation Centre, an organisation devoted to peacebuilding and reconciliation in Ireland, North and South, Britain and beyond.

For the first time I could rage and wail with others who understood, since they also had lost loved ones.

During that year I heard mention of Patrick Magee – the man who had planted the bomb – and I sent a message that I would like to meet him.

I remember the first meeting.

It was a powerful and transformative experience for me, full of difficult emotions and feelings.

I left knowing I had met the man behind the enemy.

I knew I’d entered the unknown, which was very scary.

But I wanted dialogue with him to hear more of his story.

We have since shared a platform many times in prisons, schools, universities, peace conferences and in other countries.

Each time it is different.

We are on a journey exploring, through listening and respect, where each other is coming from.

I have experienced his humanity and want to share this with other people.

I have now founded a charity called Building Bridges For Peace.

This will seek to understand the roots of violence and terrorism and help develop conflict prevention and conflict transformation.

There are many activities we are developing to further these aims such as supporting others working in post-conflict healing, creating safe places for different sides to come together to hear each other and working with politicians to look at other ways of resolving conflict.

Today, in the House of Commons, Patrick Magee and I will be speaking at the all-party parliamentary group on conflict issues.

I am surprised but pleased that we have been invited and, for me, it will be very special as well as challenging.

But an experience I embrace wholeheartedly.

During conflict, each side demonises each other and I am hoping this meeting will help to see there are human beings on all sides.

I want to share how each time we use violence to resolve conflict we create more victims and each victim has the potential to become a victimiser.

Our world for our grandchildren will only be safe and peaceful when we give up seeing the other as the enemy.

Instead we develop empathy and listening skills to address the real needs.

I still miss my wonderful dad.

Tears run down my face as I think of him and the grandchildren he never saw.

But I know I am transforming my pain.

I have created something positive out of the bomb and my work has just begun.

Today, on the 25th anniversary, I renew my pledge to commit to transform my pain into action for peace.

● The charity Building Bridges For Peace will be launched with a screening of Soldiers Of Peace at the Duke of York’s cinema, in Brighton, on October 18.

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