Film Diary 2012: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

You see, whilst this feature does distort the life story of the titular President to pit him against a band of bloodthirsty bloodsuckers, he doesn't particularly do much 'hunting', instead, Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) is told exactly where his next vampire victim is hanging out, thanks to his mentor Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper). Ok, so, maybe that's a tad nitpicky. Surely, a film called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter isn't exactly going to be a poe-faced work of seriousness and such nits need not be picked.

Alas, that is the major problem with this film. It, for some bizarre reason, acts as if it were a work of seriousness when it should at least have its tongue tucked neatly into its cheek. Instead, it just tells a rather dull tale of Lincoln, having lost his mother to a vampire, going on a lifelong course of revenge that ultimately sees him doing battle with head vampire Adam (Rufus Sewell). It warps the facts of Lincoln's life to vampire lore by making the American Civil War a clash between humans and the undead, but, for the most part things are surprisingly, and disappointingly, straight-faced.

Whereas I was expecting to see scenes such as Lincoln and friends laying siege to legions of pasty faced Hellspawn, a friend calling to Lincoln and shouting: "Lincoln! I've killed ten, how many have you?" to which Lincoln gruffly retorts: "Four score." Sadly, this kind of knowingly dopey nonsense is subsituted for slo-mo axe swinging and a pretty humourless narrative.

Timur Bekmambetov showed a skill for juggling ludicrous storylines, arch humour and dazzling action in both his Night/Daywatch movies and, especially, his Hollywood debut Wanted. Here his sense of action geography has fallen by the wayside, his sense of humour has gotten lost in the post and the storyline forgot to get dressed.

If there are any redeeming features it's that Benjamin Walker delivers a game performance in the title role, occasionally reminiscent of a young Liam Neeson, which is rather apt as Steven Spielberg always planned to cast Neeson in his forthcoming Lincoln biopic (though Daniel Day Lewis now has that role due to scheduling conflicts). Additionally Mary Elizabeth Winstead is an endearing Mary Todd and Anthony Mackie is painfully underused as Lincoln's childhood friend Will.

Beyond that the only other saving grace is that this film isn't the first part in a franchise (unless they start going through other presidents hunting different beasties). This is a shockingly redundant picture, bizarrely devoid of horror, humour and drama, avoid it like a vampire avoids tanning salons.

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