Coach Trip is a brilliant programme. You get yourself a coach. You get yourself some contestants, divided into pairs and convinced that their ideal holiday is to spend an infinite amount of time on this coach, touring the many sherry distilleries and candle factories of Europe. You get yourself a temperamental, effeminate tour guide named Brendan, who perspires with such vigour that he needs to change every ten minutes. Ideally suited to the warmer climes, is Brendan. Oh, and you ask the contestants to line up every night and vote for who they want to send home. In front of each other. Reasons often include offensive personal habits, or choice of attire, or coughing during the aquarium tour.

The rules are simple. Whichever couple earns themselves the most votes is presented with a yellow card, if this doesn’t chasten them into behaving like nice sensible tourists, then they will inevitably win the following night’s vote off, and be presented with a red card. Which means they have to leave, and their replacements are on the next flight out. Then you make everybody get back on the coach and hope the air conditioning has broken down, just to create some extra tension.

Your contestants should be people like Shirley and Bob, from the Home Counties. Shirley finishes all of Bob's sentences. Bob likes to say inappropriate things to young women. Luckily, there are two young women on the coach. Lizzy and Steph from Birmingham. They just want to have a laugh. They like to talk on their mobile phones whilst Brendan is trying to tell them about the history of bee farming in the Pyrenees. Lizzy and Steph get voted off in Day 2, to be replaced by Martha and her daughter, Ann. They get very little screen time, as they are so terrifically dull. Happily, this also means that everybody forgets to vote for them. Ann's hair is as straight and flat as her freshly pressed, knee-length khaki shorts. Martha suffers from heartburn. She is appalled by the antics of Jay and Lawrence, the cockney wideboys out for a good time; staying out late, getting up even later, which means that the group are late for the windmill demonstration. Brendan suffers a mild stroke at this point.

Everybody has a really good time, arguing and nit-picking their way round the continent. Alliances are formed, and destroyed. History and culture are completely ignored. Nobody learns anything, least of all about themselves. It's social commentary, sunny side up.

Coach Trip, More 4, Weekdays at 2.30pm