Sometimes I get a bit tired of the relentless reality of reality television. Lately it all seems to focus on the grim and depressing – Benefit Busters, Underage and Pregnant, even the X Factor don’t really want to feature anybody without a sob story, or a mental health problem. Le sigh.

Autumn is approaching, everybody is due a seasonal bout of mild depression, and programmes like this aren’t helping. How about, just for now, we forget the harsh lighting, the scraped-back hair, the skimmed-milk complexions and the dirty fingernails? How about we, temporarily of course, set aside the insurmountable problems of our fellow Brits, and instead, enjoy a glossy half an hour or so in the company of people for whom a broken fingernail constitutes an international crisis? Sound tempting?

Then follow me to a land where new boobs are purchased as regularly as new shoes, tennis lessons are of equal importance to learning to read and women drop in to the hairdresser as regularly as they would the supermarket.

The epitome of trashy television, but with a high gloss, surgically enhanced finish - The Real Housewives of New Jersey don’t do misery, or melancholy. They do drama. Massive, pouting, ridiculous drama.

Teresa, is busy furnishing the monstrous dream home she and her inflatable husband are currently building, with the kind of furniture she is going to have to ban her 3 small children from even breathing next to. Can’t wait to see how she’s going to manage that.

Danielle used to be called Beverley and in 1986 was charged with 8 offences, including cocaine possession and narcotics conspiracy. She once worked as an escort. She used to be a model. She has hooked up with most of Hollywood, and has the jewellery to prove it. Danielle is 46 but her figure and face are tighter than a freshly sprung trampoline. What can her secret be? Let’s hope she forgets herself and tells us.

Jacqueline has the voice and attitude of a 15 year old cheerleader from a B-list horror film, and looks set to meet a similar fate at the hands of Dina and Caroline if she doesn’t do exactly as they say.

Dina and Caroline are sisters who ruthlessly patrol the borders of their massively wealthy family, which Jacqueline has recently married into. Dina and Caroline are also married to brothers Albert and Tommy Manzo, and run several businesses and charitable foundations between them.

In short, this lot are a vicious strain of suburban mafia, substituting guns and drugs and dodgy loans with bake-offs and Botox. What will the neighbours say?

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Tuesdays at 10.35pm, Channel 4