Catherine Tate has a very unlikeable character called Geordie Georgie who has a daily bizarre charity to raise money for. It is the same in our office where hardly a day goes by without some sponsorship appeal or other arriving in my inbox. (I have a limit of one donation a week,) So when it comes to my turn to elicit some fundraising I know I have at least got to have a decent ‘hook’ or idea to capture attention.

The opening appeal by email failed to yield any results, however what does work is a physical presence and a piece of paper to sign. Fortunately I am the first call this week and have managed to get around in my breaks and lunches seeking donations. My fellow employees have been very generous; I am suitably grateful.

My sponsorship drive started a few months ago and I have learnt many lessons which I am happy to share. The first idea was to approach some of the businesses I have been spending generously with over the last few years and offer them some advertising on my website in exchange for a small donation. Oh dear! I should have known better. A very poor response, especially with a couple of businesses that I have spent thousands of pounds with recently, not so much as a good luck. Thanks though to the few that have.

Next up, the magical world of car booting. Strong donations by friends, relatives and Freecycle have kept an ongoing supply of bric-a-brac, clothing, records and CDs etc, and the 20p’s and 50p’s have come flowing in. Over the summer the sales have mounted up and it has become my chief source of donations.

Glastonwick Festival allowed a bucket collection, and aided by some willing helpers I did very well. I also tried some bar collections but I really don’t like bothering people after a hard weeks work in their leisure time.

For my final drive it was time for a sponsored event. I can’t cycle, running - no thanks, a walk, well everyone does that. Sitting in bath of beans, cross dressing, and doing a back, sack and crack – No!. A head shave might work, especially with my current odd style, but that would leave me open to sunburn where I’m going. Thus I settled on a number 2 to be administered by Amanda at Shea Shea, my regular ‘stylist’, straight after the next Albion match so I can show the result around the gang the same night and suffer the ritual humiliation deserved.

I have actually learnt a valuable lesson, those people who really have money are very keen to keep it. Those people who have much less give so much more. It is very humbling. Of course I could not have done this without my friends who have encouraged me and pushed me on, supplying ideas and materials. Thanks to Ros (my wife who has been up at all hours loading the car for the next boot sale.) Also to Darren, Roy, Smelly, Hana, Rob and particularly Bongo, who has embraced the cause with enthusiasm.

John has been listening to some dusty old Gerry Rafferty vinyls