On hearing that Brighton is to have a city centre Low Emission Zone I got out my crystal ball to see what motorists can expect in the coming months and years.
My ball shows a new force out on patrol in the North Street area.
Clad in green uniforms (what other colour did you expect?) these Low Emission Enforcement Officers all carry long tubes attached to boxes which look similar to the breathalysers used by the police.
They are stuffing their tubes into vehicle exhaust pipes and ordering drivers to ‘blow your emissions into the tube in one long, steady blast’.
Every motorist whose vehicle exceeds the maximum emissions level (and every motorist will exceed the maximum emissions level because the council has set it at 0%) is being offered the choice of either having their vehicle crushed on the spot by a council steamroller or by making an irrevocable promise to vote Green at the forthcoming General Election.
My crystal ball shows the Green Party winning Brighton Pavilion, Brighton Kemptown and Hove with massive majorities.
Eric Waters
Ingleside Crescent
Lancing
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