Together we’ll stop loneliness

ON her 90th birthday earlier this year, 20 of Harriet’s neighbours turned up on her doorstep.

When she opened the door the group burst into a rendition of Happy Birthday.

She said: “They gave me a birthday card too. It was very touching… I almost cried.

“It’s the small gestures like that that keep you feeling connected to the world around you.”

National charity Friends of the Elderly (FOTE) is calling on the people of Sussex – which has some of the loneliest residents in the UK – to get to know their older neighbours, like Harriet, who lives in Sussex, in a bid to combat loneliness.

Harriet has lived on her own for the past ten years since her husband passed away.

She said: “I quite like having my own space but it’s so important to keep in touch with people as you get older.

“The best piece of advice I could give to someone in their 20s is this: be kind to everyone, what you give out is what you get back.

“I truly believe that.”

FOTE has launched a pilot scheme in the county following a report outlining how loneliness affects older people now and how it may affect us in the future.

The report showed that more than five million older people in the UK are affected by loneliness and more than a million, one in ten, said they often felt lonely.

The Future Of Loneliness report further predicted that, through demographic change alone, these numbers will increase by about 40% over the next 15 years.

Joe Attwood, 47, from Brighton became a Friend as a result of helping an elderly woman near him.

He said: “It is easy to miss old people, especially when they don’t want to come out of their house.

“It’s easy to miss the fact that they are there and may need help.

“Three years ago with the bad winter, we realised we had not seen Edna, our elderly neighbour, for some time.

“She was ill, very ill, but she would not ask for help; that was her way.

“All she asked us to do was to get her some shopping.

“We did more, though; we had to, otherwise she would have died.

“We talked to her, re-assured her, just looked out for her.

“She is better now. She still doesn’t really want to talk to anyone except us but at least she can get out and around – we still do her shopping, though she doesn’t really need us to.”

As an official charity partner of Downing Street, FOTE has welcomed the support of Prime Minister David Cameron and his office over the past three months.

Not only did Mr Cameron help launch the campaign back in August, he also held a celebration afternoon tea party at Number 10 last month for the charity’s beneficiaries, volunteers and staff.

Speaking at the event, Mr Cameron said: “Tackling the isolation of elderly people in our society is so important.

“I want to say a big thank you to Friends Of The Elderly for everything you do. Please keep on doing it.”

On the same day, the charity welcomed support from actress Joanna Lumley, who said: “I think Friends Of The Elderly will be a lifeline for those who are lonely, afraid to go out or just depressed at being frail and on their own.

“We must all take special care of those important people, people in fact just like us, who are a bit further ahead in life's journey.

“Let's bring them into the warmth of the circle of our friendship; a phone call, dropping by, an odd postcard... such small things can make people (people like us) feel loved and valuable again. Let us all be Friends Of The Elderly.”

As well as high-profile praise for the Be A Friend campaign, the charity said the support received from the general public has been equally as important.

Since the launch, more than 700 people have made a promise to Be A Friend and help change the future of loneliness.

From a simple “hello” that turned into lasting friendship, to an unexpected birthday surprise from a group of neighbours, friends have been sharing their stories of how small gestures have brought people together.

One Friend, Liz, said: “I met my friend Pauline, who is now in her 80s, years ago when we were both walking our dogs in the park.

“A simple ‘hello’ and many years later we are the best of friends, having shared good and bad times and lots of great laughs together.”

So why Sussex?

A survey revealed that more than a third (38%) of people in the South East have irregular or no contact with older people and that almost 40% do not know their neighbours well enough to have a conversation.

In East Sussex specifically, the Rother district, encompassing Battle, Bexhill and Rye, was found to be the third loneliest place in the UK.

In Polegate, Alfriston, East Dean and Seaford – as well as the St Marks, Sackville, Kewhurst and Collington wards in Bexhill and the Upperton, Ratton and Meads wards of Eastbourne – the number of those aged over 65 far outstrips those aged 45 to 64 or younger.

In West Sussex, the Arun district, covering Littlehampton, Arundel and Bognor, was the ninth loneliest place in Britain – 22% of those living in West Sussex now are older than 65.

By 2035, the population of those aged over 60 in West Sussex is set to rise by 123,800.

Brighton and Hove is a different matter: the issue is not the numbers of older people increasing, but a fall in the proportion of older people as the city grows.

Almost a third of those living in the city (31.1%) have “irregular or no contact” with older people.

Between the 2001 and 2011 censuses, the city’s population increased by more than 25,000 while there was a 13% drop (almost 3,500 people) in residents aged 65 to 79. Those aged 80 or over fell by 1,264.

Jason Kitcat, the leader of Brighton and Hove City Council, said: “There are a lot of older people who get isolated and struggle to maintain social contact with the people around them and it’s really a sad issue.

“We don’t want it that young people are in one place and old people are in another place and they never mix together.”

For those remaining in their home, Age UK in Brighton and Hove has said 64% of over-65s in the South East worry about losing their independence, with about the same percentage finding it a difficult subject to discuss.

Peter King of Age UK Brighton and Hove, said: “The issue of how we maintain independent lives as we grow older is relevant to us all, whatever our circumstances.

“It is important that individuals, friends and family are aware of the options available and that they feel comfortable discussing these.”

The FOTE Future Of Loneliness report concluded there is a strong connection between low contact with family members and loneliness, and that contact with children is especially important.

It also found there is a strong link between having low levels of income and being lonely and that, despite technology potentially making a positive impact on loneliness going forward, by 2030, 10% of older people (703,000) will still not have a mobile phone or use the internet.

The scheme being piloted in Sussex, called Be A Friend, is designed to get people thinking more about older people.

It hopes that people who are more sociable, more mobile or generally more able will pledge to help someone near them.

The promise to help can range from having a chat with a neighbour to emptying the bins or having a cup of tea.

A spokeswoman for FOTE said: “It’s about being a part of a movement of people who are instigating cultural change and recognise the benefits of older people.

“There’s no charge, no checking – just support from the charity to help keep you motivated and supported when you are being a friend.”

The charity has said that it cannot force people to keep their promises but hopes the idea of pledging in this way will encourage people to do more for those who are lonely.

You can make a promise by visiting the Be A Friend campaign website www.beafriendtoday.org.uk.

To give people inspiration, FOTE has drawn up a list of ten ways you can Be A Friend.

The charity said that the majority of people would like to do more to help older people in their community but do not know how.

The good news is that almost 60% of those quizzed in the South East said they would like to do more to support older people where they live.

Over the next three months the charity hopes to engage residents, businesses, support groups and other charities across Sussex to help drive a culture change.

Sussex County Cricket Club is one of the first to get involved.

Tim Shutt, head of cricket in the community, said: “Our community scheme vision is based around using cricket as a tool towards building better futures and stronger communities, importantly, irrespective of age.

“Cricket is a sport that has many elderly spectators, players, volunteers and followers, so given the degree of synergy, we felt this could be a very mutually beneficial partnership.

“We are very much looking forward to developing new initiatives as part of the Be A Friend campaign.”

Steve Allen, chief executive of Friends Of The Elderly, said: “Our Be A Friend campaign is a fundamental part of Friends Of The Elderly’s long-term aim of combating loneliness and isolation among older people.

“We already know that loneliness is a critical issue, but the Future Of Loneliness report shows just how vital it is for us to take action now.

“We believe loneliness can be overcome with relatively simple interventions and, by encouraging everyone to connect with their older neighbours, we can empower young and old to connect better within their communities.

“With the support of the people of Sussex and further afield we believe we can make a real and lasting change. A change that will mean no older person is lonely.”

FOTE is running a Christmas tea party and launch for its Christmas campaign on December 10 at The Grand hotel from 3pm.

You can make a promise to be a Friend on the campaign website www.beafriendtoday.org.uk. To find out more about Friends Of The Elderly, visit www.fote.org.uk.