These days I spend most of my time sleeping, sitting around being waited upon, eating a lot or attending hospital appointments.

I am still on my course of chemo but had to defer zometa infusion due to my low calcium levels, which is all to do with the bone cancer.

My daily visits to Brighton General Hospital for my radiotherapy all went smoothly, although I was so tired it was untrue. I am sure I have lost a few days along the way with my hair.

My sister Dawn, who was over from New Zealand looking after me, Tom and the boys, has now gone home.

Before she left we (me, my two sisters and brother) had a fab night at my other sister's with a karaoke machine, which was great fun.

I miss her terribly but I am determined not to be sad. I see it as a bonus that I had that lovely time with her.

As for poor Dawn I think she was probably ready to go home for the rest. I was so tired she even had to do my thinking for me.

Lewis was particularly emotional when she left, which tugged at my heart strings. He just loves Dawn - they have quite a special bond. Both my boys amaze me with how easily they adapt to all the changes at home.

I am feeling pretty useless right now, although I could probably win an eating competition.

I've blown up to quite a size, which isn't sitting particularly comfortably and I get a lot of pain in my sides, back and legs.

I am okay as soon as the painkillers kick in, though.

Bank holiday weekend was fun. Two of Tom's nieces and one of their partner's Mark visited from Warrington and I was feeling particularly well.

I decided we should take our guests out to Brighton to capture the holiday atmosphere.

Tom and Mark wanted to see the end of the football so I generously and selflessly (I thought) suggested we hit a bar for a pre-dinner drink and the footy results.

I was most amused to be asked for ID before we entered and couldn't help tittering a little as I handed over the first thing I came to which happened to be my disabled badge. I bet they don't get that every night.

From there we headed to Brighton Marina, where we had a fabulous meal out and even managed a couple of glasses of wine. What I didn't expect was the excruciating pain that I was to get that night in my legs. I was unable to walk at all until my painkillers kicked in and I have to confess my own vulnerability and weakness frightened me at that time. I think it is a case of my mind being willing but that is where it ends.

I am well stocked up on new bandanas. I was rather perturbed when I discovered I could only get NHS vouchers for wigs and not bandanas - whatever happened to freedom of choice?

I am not in the position where I can be left alone anymore as I keep having mini-fits. They don't bother me too much because I have got used to them and I usually feel them coming on but they can be scary for whoever I am with.

I am advised by the eye hospital that my vision will not return. But you know what, even though my body is shutting down I just don't feel ready to die.

In terms of practical things I have done pretty much as much as I can, although there is still a lot to arrange in terms of my funeral.

I have been particularly slack about writing my book.

I am writing individual letters to Lewis and Jacob about my memories of them growing up and just need to find energy and motivation because my body's priority seems to be simply food and sleep.

Lewis, in his wisdom, has declared that when he dies he is only going to have a cheap coffin because its not like you can use it again.

He continues to do really well with his football and Jacob is addicted to his computer.

Already he is so much more technologically advanced than me and stands taller than his grandmother.

Our room in the roof is coming along fabulously and I have been staying in Henfield with my mum and the boys while the new staircase goes in.

I am really impressed at how the builders have worked so well and fast. They have been so considerate to me.