FOR two years we have escaped it. For two whole academic years, every time I have got wind of it doing the rounds, I have grimaced and hoped we would swerve it.

You see, every time it rears its ugly head, literally, the school sends out a warning text.

No names are mentioned but parents swap furtive, worried looks at drop-off and wonder who the culprit is this time.

Well this time it is us. To my absolute horror, Thelma threadworm paid us a visit and man she is one tricky customer.

My poor boy was in a right old pickle. Along with nits, threadworm has to be right up there on the list of things school parents dread the most.

In fact, I think it takes the number one spot. It really is utterly revolting.

So far, we have been nit-free too but, now I’ve said it out loud, I have no doubt tempted fate and that will be next week’s treat.

I promise not to go into the details of the activities, but suffice to say I reached a new parenting low. Or high, depending on how you look at it.

My husband was out of town, so I put the call out to the local mums and one came running, quite literally, in her pyjamas, with worm meds.

Thankfully my son is completely fine now and we have all taken the dreaded pill. Yuck.

He is in class and I am left with the task of washing every towel and item of bed linen we possess for fear of the little blighters reproducing.

Oh yes. Being back at school is a real joy.

Aside from parasites setting up camp in my child’s body, there is also the schadmin to deal with. Yes I made that word up, but schadmin is totally a thing.

We have only been back a week and I have already completed roughly 283 forms.

I swear these are the exact same forms I completed last year and the year before.

Can we take pictures of your child? Can we give your child a flu vaccination? Do you give permission for your child to eat peas at lunchtime?

OK I am being facetious. They have not asked about peas yet.

While I fully appreciate the need to collect this kind of information, why all the paper?

This is 2018, could we not just tick boxes online to answer all these questions at once?

Even if we still have to do this at the start of every year, it would save a lot of faffing around and surely would be easier for the staff to keep track of.

I would imagine for every rule abiding parent who fills in and returns the forms, there are several who do not.

Not because they are being difficult or rebellious, but because form filling is a royal pain in the butt for most.

The other essential part of a new academic year is the inevitable class WhatsApp group.

My kid is now in Year 2, so this is the third school-related WhatsApp group I have been part of.

What completely baffles me about them is not one single male has ever been involved.

There are tons of dads on the school run every single day, so why are they not party to these deeply meaningful group chats?

OK, they are far from meaningful, but they definitely serve a purpose.

Without WhatsApp I would have missed many a non-uniform day or class assembly without a doubt.

Thanks to the mums’ chit-chat I am kept informed and, for the most part, relatively sane.

There are some very funny, dark-humoured women in the group and they often have me howling before the school run.

But why no dads?

Maybe I have stumbled into some kind of secret society that men are quietly excluded from and nobody really talks about it.

Do the dads even know these groups exist? Do they even care, more to the point?

My guess is not in the slightest.

Perhaps they are actively avoiding WhatsApp to release themselves from the responsibility of remembering when World Book Day is or when their kid needs to bring in a dish for Chinese New Year.

Maybe they have their own class chat groups and are busy nattering away to each other, discussing treatments for threadworm and which part their little cherub has got in the Christmas show.

I really do hope so.

The thing is, as much as I love being part of these female-only conversations, I cannot help but think they would all the richer with some male input too.

Or maybe it is better if the dads do stay away.

They would only want to come on our girls’ nights out and that would never do.