It has been quite a week.

If you missed my column last Saturday, I shared the story of the four babies my husband and I sadly lost while trying to have our second child.

Writing it was both traumatic and cathartic all at once.

There were so many moments during that horrific period that were so painful to recall, let alone write down and make public.

As I had finally bitten the bullet though, I decided to share the article on all of my social media accounts too.

Our close friends already knew a lot of what had happened to us. In fact if it were not for them, we both would be in a terrible state by now, I am quite sure of that.

But to some, reading the story was a huge shock. It is not really something you tell people when you run into them in the supermarket, is it?

“Oh hi, how are you Lyns?”, “I’ve been better actually, I’ve just miscarried our third baby” can make things a little awkward when you bump into someone by the spaghetti hoops.

It was hard to gauge how we would both feel when it was finally out there, but it has been a mostly positive experience.

My husband, James, was completely involved in my decision to write the story as it was a huge deal for him too.

To say we have been blown away by the reaction is an understatement.

We have been inundated with beautiful messages of love and support, but what has surprised us the most is how many people have opened up to us.

James shared the story on his Facebook timeline too and it was amazing to see how many of his male friends responded and told us about their losses too.

As condescending as that might sound, I do think men can be somewhat overlooked when it comes to the subject of baby loss.

While women have the horrific ordeal of coping with the physical, as well as emotional, aspect of miscarriage, and also in our case, unwanted termination, it can be equally traumatic for their male partners too.

James and I have spoken at length about the times he did not feel he could show the extent of his emotions while supporting me through various procedures and periods of poor mental health.

His whole focus was on me and my well-being, as well as being “fun Daddy” to our little boy.

He did an incredible job holding us all up.

But if this level of grief, stress and worry has no outlet, it can really take its toll. Off the back of my article, another friend shared her own story of loss on her Facebook page this week.

One of her female friends commented underneath and wrote: “In a man’s world we just have to deal with it.”

Her experience of post-miscarriage treatment had been a negative one and she felt the lack of empathy from the male medical professionals she saw deeply upsetting.

The comment was taken personally by some men who had supported their female partners through baby loss and they reacted to her “man’s world” comment defensively.

While I know she was directly referring to the medical team she was treated by at the hospital, they responded as though they were deemed unimportant factors in these devastating ordeals.

The truth of the matter is, when you are going through your own personal trauma, in this case from a female perspective, it is so hard to find the space and energy to support anyone else.

You do not even realise you are neglecting the other person most of the time.

No one is at fault particularly, but if you happen to know a couple dealing with the loss of a baby, it is

important to regularly check in on the guy too.

There is every chance he is struggling and not all together sure how to manage his feelings in light of what is happening to his partner.

He is likely to be the one holding everything else together; work, the home, any other children they may have and it is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination.

Sharing our story last weekend definitely prompted a conversation within our extended friendship group at the very least.

It has been hugely encouraging to see people open up and speak out about their own experiences.

I have even received messages from complete strangers and, while it has been heartbreaking to read their stories, I am hoping these conversations are also helping somehow.

Sharing our experience has definitely been a big release for us and also given us considerable comfort.

We only hope others who have been through similar, and have seen our story, feel less alone too.