I EAT a lot. Always have and probably always will.

As a result my lunches have become somewhat legendary in The Argus office for not only their size but also their mass.

A couple of kilograms of pasta salad here, six sandwiches there, you get the picture.

It was this excessive eating that led my news editor to volunteer me to take on the Truckload Challenge at Wheelies Cafe Diner in Portslade.

An intimidating plate packed with two fried eggs, three bacon rashers, three sausages, baked beans, two tomatoes, a slice of fried bread, chips, two hash browns, two slices of black pudding, a buttered slice of bread and another of toast, all to be polished off in ten minutes.

This was going to be a struggle.

But if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right and began my preparations a full two days in advance.

Imagine a Rocky-style montage, but instead of a trim Sylvester Stallone running up a large flight of stairs, there was a sweaty strawberry blond man swearing under his breath at a treadmill then eating copious amounts of generously buttered white bread.

Then the day arrived.

True to their name, the meal wheeled out by the Wheelies chefs was the real deal.

A massive plate of terror piled high with breakfast delights.

A small group of spectators thought it best to let me know I looked visibly nervous. Thanks guys.

After a couple of cursory pictures, in which my biceps burned under the devastating weight of the plate, a stopwatch was clicked and I dug in.

The breakfast tasted amazing. I tackled the vegetables first before layering up the toast, bacon, beans and eggs in an attempt to be time efficient.

After five minutes I was pretty chuffed with my progress, having made a decent dent in the meal.

I overheard one spectator mutter to another that “he might actually do it you know”.

But a couple of minutes later I made the inevitable transition from chuffed... to stuffed.

I had hit a wall formed entirely of carbs. The hash browns, chips and final slice of bread I had left until last seemed to tower over me, casting me into their satiated shadow.

But I am an athlete at heart... top goalscorer for my under 11s football team in the Noughties... and resolved that I would not be beaten.

I continued to line the chips up on the fork, three at a time, loading them into my mouth, but the clock continued to tick down.

It hit zero. Two hash browns, a couple of stray chips and some buttered bread still sat on the plate in front of me. I had failed.

 

Do you think you could best the Truckload Challenge? 

If so, call Wheelies Cafe Diner on 01273 419222

 

Pictures by Darren Cool Images.