LOOKING for a new job? Well, why not consider putting yourself forward as a prospective parliamentary candidate?

Indeed, even I am giving it serious consideration... especially as you don’t need any particular qualifications other than being able to boo and hiss loudly and prostrate yourself across the Speaker’s chair.

Clearly there are going to be plenty of vacancies across the political spectrum come the next election as our current batch of MPs throw their toys out of the pram in spectacular fashion.

If you are a Tory or Labour MP and you don’t like your leader then the solution is simple: just join the Lib Dems.

Otherwise quit and look for alternative employment, which many of them will be doing.

In my own case I wouldn’t, to borrow John Bercow’s spectacular phrase, give a flying flamingo which party I represent. I am open to either persuasion or bribery.

Basically, I just want to board the gravy train. Who wouldn’t? At present the basic salary of a backbench MP is just shy of 80 grand. Not bad work if you can get it.

I own a pinstripe suit and am therefore eminently qualified to step into Sir Nicholas Soames’s Mid Sussex seat, especially as I am not averse to the odd glass of port.

But that is not the only option. I could also take a sharp left turn and go all Corbyn. Like Jezza, I have a Marxist cap and currently sport a beard which is going more grey by the day.

The possibilities are virtually endless. The Lib Dems are a bit wishy-washy but they appear to be enjoying a resurgence of support thanks to their Remain stance.

Party leader Jo Swinson seems a jovial sort and five years of fence-sitting while taking extended snoozes on the back benches a la Jacob Rees Mogg certainly appeals.

If Guy Fawkes were alive today he wouldn’t bother coming up with the gunpowder plot. What would be the point? Our politicians aren’t worth bothering about, really. When it comes to decision making they prevaricate, preferring to bicker among themselves while ignoring democracy, whether it be Brexit or proroguing Parliament.

Even Her Majesty has become embroiled in the latest shenanigans as it appears she has been “misled” by Boris Johnson.

Boris responded to the latest hullabaloo by visiting a school, joining a class and showing an alarming lack of ability when it comes to speaking rudimentary French.

If bumbling Boris can become our Prime Minister then anyone can.

Indeed, maybe some of the regular Argus letter writers and website posters can throw their hats into the mix of prospective parliamentary candidates.

Imagine Jacob Rees Krispies, one of our most devoted online commentators, in the House of Commons?

Rees Krispies has views on everything and would therefore be a perfect addition, especially if he asks a question of a certain well-known member of the House.

The Speaker: “Rees Krispies”.

Rees Krispies then asks a question of Rees Mogg. It would be comedy gold.

Others who should put themselves forward include Eric Waters of Lancing, a man who likes to express his views in a forthright fashion. as indeed does Spencer Carvil.

Want an opposing view? Then look no further than Kenny Lloyd of Portslade. It is fair to say our Kenny is not too fond of the Tories, so he could easily end up as Corbyn’s right-hand man.

Alternatively you could abandon meat altogether, start consuming lentils and hug the odd tree to qualify immediately as a member of the Greens.

At present poor Caroline Lucas is the only Green member of Parliament, and she could do with a few more colleagues in the Chamber. The opportunity is out there, so grab it with both hands while you can.

What about the Brexit Party you ask? Well that rather depends on whether you want to be a risk taker or settle for a cushy number.

Nigel Farage and his candidates may well cause mayhem to the Tory vote, much like a fox in a chicken coop, but then again maybe not.

Nigel wants to be loved but he is being spurned by Boris so any sort of electoral pact seems unlikely.

Nailing your colours to an established political party is traditionally the route to success, but we live in tumultuous times. However, my political initiative will soon be launched under the auspices of the Common Sense Party. Who wouldn’t vote for that?