Have you ever watched Nightmare on Elm Street or The Brighton Miracle? I’ve watched neither, and have no intention of doing so.
Why watch films like Nightmare that have you hiding behind the sofa in terror? The Brighton Miracle would have me running from the room either screaming or sobbing, definitely traumatised.
Most people have never heard of The Brighton Miracle and fewer, fortunately, have watched it. Some films should not be made. Films on sport are high on that list. Sport is about drama, about passion, about winning against the odds. It is so difficult to recreate that sense of expectation, drama, and exhilaration. In the case of many teams I support, including Britain’s men’s Curling Team at the Winter Olympics, there is gut-wrenching and heart-breaking disappointment.
The Brighton Miracle focuses on a game in the 2015 Rugby World Cup when the weakest team in the tournament, Japan, pulled off the biggest shock in international rugby history by beating the mighty Springboks. I was at the Amex that day with my daughter Clare and niece Janice. As a South African, I was traumatised for days. Why on earth, then, would anyone want to make a film about that terrible, terrible occasion?
Several years later I was at Cape Town airport, by pure chance standing next to Francois Pienaar, the captain of the victorious South African team that won the 1995 Rugby World Cup. Nelson Mandela, who just a year earlier had been elected as President, presented the Webb Ellis Trophy to Pienaar. “Thank you, Francois”, he said, “for what you’ve done for our country" to which Pienaar, an Afrikaner, replied, “No, Mr President, thank you for what you’ve done.” This was a remarkable tribute from someone who, at the time, would have been expected to oppose everything that Mandela stood for. That team, that game, that exchange has been captured in a fantastic film called Invictus starring Matt Damon as Pienaar and Morgan Freeman as Mandela. Now that is a film worthy of screen time.
In between regular interruptions by fellow travellers at Cape Town airport who asked Pienaar to pose with them for selfies, he and I discussed that Brighton game against Japan. While I was traumatised for days, he said he was still traumatised by the result. (For the record, and being the groupie I am, I also got a selfie with Pienaar).
Sport is full of natural drama, and it is difficult to recreate on film the tension, the elation and the bitter disappointment that comes with the real thing.
Escape to Victory starring Bobby Moore, Pele, Sylvester Stallone and others must be high amongst the worst sports films ever made. I would go further. It was one of the worst films ever made. However, even Escape to Victory cannot compare to The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh which is so bad that it has attracted a cult following. Some film producers compound the offence by making sequels (Rocky 2, Rocky 3, Rocky 4 ... you get the idea). And some films, like Matilda the Boxing Kangaroo, are just plain silly.
There are a few exceptions to bad films about sport. Invictus is one, but I struggle to think of too many others. It is a shame that nobody ever made a film of the 1972 League Cup Final when 97,852 saw Stoke City beat Chelsea 2-1. Three of my all-time favourite films involve football, but football is merely a vehicle in these absolutely fabulous films. Looking for Eric is about Eric Bishop, a postman and a Manchester United fanatic whose life is descending into crisis. At the point when he is considering suicide, he has a cannabis-induced hallucination in which he encounters the United legend, Eric Cantona, who encourages him and offers him advice. His life turns around. The high point of the film is when Cantona says in his strong French accent: “I am not a man. I am Cantona!”
Bend it Like Beckham is probably the film on sport that most people have watched and will have inspired many young girls to start playing football. Watching the wonderful women players at Lewes FC does the same for a new generation of young girls. But my favourite football film of all time is Marvellous. Yes, it features Stoke City and stars Toby Jones, a plus on two counts. I won’t spoil the plot in case you are yet to see it. My wife, who doesn’t share my passion for Stoke City and hates football, has watched it three times. It is truly uplifting.
Andy Winter is a former councillor who worked in social care and homelessness services for 40 years.
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