My enjoyment of Norman at the Theatre Royal was sadly hindered by the cheesy waft of someone’s smelly feet.

As much as I tried to concentrate on the leaping Canandian and his wiggly lines – the stench dragged my imagination back to the green fur growing on the neglected dairy compartment of my fridge.

The situation was made worse when the man next to me moved away from me to a spare seat at the end of the row.

He obviously thought it was me because I was wearing flip flops but I was freshly showered and in no way wiffy.

To ease my paranoia I decided to cross my legs in a high kicking Kenny Everett fashion so my feet passed under me nose.

A deep and investigative sniff assured me my hoofs were not to blame.

Anyway – the mix of paranoia and foul odours ruined my night out.

With lots of hot bodies destined to be crammed into theatres in the next week or so, I need to find a solution.

Does anyone know if there a nasal version of a ear plug to combat le stench du theatrical foot?