Anyone else noticed how train folk don’t like sneezers? I was among the many recently who had a bit of a snuffle, largely due to the subzero temperatures outside, but hey, for all my neighbours’ fretting, it could have been swine flu.

I’d been sitting in a freezing carriage on a First Capital Connect train for over an hour (wish they’d told us, as I discovered later, that it was just the one carriage the heaters had broken down in), and although it wasn’t packed, I felt very conscious of the several pairs of eyes boring into me after I’d sneezed, all watching to see where I put my hands.

Swine flu has definitely changed the way we feel about runny noses. I’m sure I see a lot more people carrying hankies than I used to, and if I had the time (or inclination) it might be interesting to ring up Liberty and see if, indeed, hanky sales have soared in the last six months.

Increased hanky use isnt just dow to swine flu phobia though. It probably has as much to do with that scaremongering ad on the telly — you know the one where the child sneezes, then puts his bacteria-swarming mit on the banister? Suddenly, the banister lights up, flashing garishly like a pixellated version of a fake Woollies Christmas tree, where his hand has just been. Aha! So that's what killer germs look like.

Luckily here comes mum armed with a spray that will save the family. Phew! But who’s going to do that on the train? If swine flu doesn’t get us, it looks as if we might all soon be struck down with fatal pixellitis. (And in case you're wondering, no, I didn’t wipe my snotty hand on the rail — here’s my tissue, so you can look the other way. This time.)