What on earth did we do on the train before they invented the iPhone? It’s edgy, it’s sleek, it’s individual — just what every Brightonian aspires to be, no? Which must be why it seems that every one of us on the train has one now. Either that or they’ve been breeding like rabbits (I blame the cold weather).

But what is it about Apple that brings out the maverick in us? Or so we believe — because there's really nothing much maverick about us all having the same thing. Yet we do all iThink we’re little individuals, don't we? I’m a fine one to talk, of course, because I have an iPhone too. And I can’t help noticing how many more apps everyone else has than me. Does that mean I'm now susceptible to app envy? And if so, what are the symptoms? Well, you know you’ve got it bad when you’re constantly looking over your neighbour's shoulder to see how many show up on their screens. I’m still halfway through screen two, but I did see a bloke scroll through six this week — that’s 96 apps, not bad! (Does anyone actually know how many apps there are out there, by the way?)

And have there been any reported incidents of app rage yet? Or is it because — edgy, sleek individuals, we — we’re fully in control of our emotions, confident never to let the green-eyed monster push us towards violent behaviour. (Let's face it, there are plenty of other irritants to get us commuters going.)

It’s probably only a matter of time before we maverick individuals all own an iPad too (although does anybody know how it's meant to be supported? Laptops, if you think about it, are designed to sit on laps. What is the unfortunately named iPad going to sit on? And what makes the iPhone so attractive is its pleasingly dinky pocket size — not sure I'm going to feel quite the same affection for this adolescent-sized version).

And when is someone going to invent a straight version of Grinder? I for one can't wait. Who knows? We could all have pulled by the time we get to Haywards Heath.