I have finally managed to wrestle my column, and our computer, back from daughter's sticky fingers.

With the advent of some nice weather she has retired to her new hammock, under the shade of the eaves of the shed, to read books and while away the days.

The hammock has become somewhat of a bone of contention during this nice weather. It is a very pleasant place to lie, especially now we have finished the surrounding patio.

I know daughter bought the hammock with her own money but you'd think she'd let her poor old mum have a turn sometimes wouldn't you? Especially when poor old mum has got a couple of weeks off work - a couple of weeks when the sun is actually shining.

I am hoping the novelty will wear off for her soon, and then I can have a go that lasts longer than the two minutes it takes her to get a cold drink.

She always reappears too soon.

"What are you doing in my hammock?" She demanded.

"Relaxing in it, reading my book, sipping a glass of cold white wine and pretending I am on holiday in the Mediterranean." I answered.

I thought that was a pretty reasonable response.

"Shall I make it even more Mediterranean for you?" She asked. "I could add some finishing touches."

"What sort of finishing touches?" I asked suspiciously.

"Well I could put one of my stick insects on your face and you could pretend it's a cicada."

"I don't want one of your stick insects on my face thank you." I said.

"You never hold my stick insects. Sticky and Twiggy will think you don't love them. Oh, go on, pleeeaaaase."

"No. Absolutely not."

Next minute, something with six legs appeared about 2cm away from my eyes. It definitely did not increase my Mediterranean experience. Sticky and Twiggy were banished back to their tank and I gave up trying to relax.

We are going away next week, to my friends in Norfolk for a few days. They haven't got a hammock but they have got one of those huge above ground swimming pools so we can argue over that. At least they don't have stick insects.