It is just over a week since Kathleen Parrott gripped her daughter-in-law's hand and whispered: "It would be much better for everyone if I just died."

The younger woman had to turn away as she blinked back tears. How had this determined, strong woman descended to such depths of despair?

For months, Moira Parrott had been fighting for her mother-in-law.

At the age of 89, Kathleen is still struggling for her independence, for the right to be seen as a person rather than just another old lady and for the right to life itself.

Crippled with arthritis, she is no longer mobile and has not been able to go back to her Crawley flat since a nasty fall in February.

But Kathleen was not so ill she needed to stay in hospital for more than a few weeks. Medical staff agreed in April she would be better off in a residential care home.

Since then, it has been a question of waiting for money from social services, which her family has battled for as the weeks have turned to months.

But after more than eight months stranded on a hospital ward, Kathleen had no fight left. She wanted it all to be over.

Now Moira and her husband, Doug, have also started to feel they will never beat the system that has ground Kathleen down.

They have written letters begging for help for their mother, most of which have gone without any reply. Even those who have taken up their cause, such as Crawley MP Laura Moffat, have been unable to sort out a home for Kathleen.

In one of several unanswered letters to John Dixon, the director of social and caring services at West Sussex County Council, Doug had implored: "I would urge you to remember the real human misery and total unfairness of treating decent people such as my mother in this appalling way.

"Both she and I realise the most convenient thing she can do is die. Is this the way to treat our older generation?"

Kathleen was one of 13 brothers and sisters, born into a world that respected its elders and taught children to pull through hard times with dignity and self-respect.

A sickly child, she was used to coping with ill-health and, in later years, fought the pain of arthritis with good-humour and resilience.

Moira, who lives with her husband in Wheatsheaf Road, Henfield, said her mother-in-law always had determination and a strong will. But Kathleen was also renowned for her kindness and generosity.

"She idolised her mum and dad and looked after them both as they got older. She always did whatever she could to look after others. Now there is no one to look after her. When we visit her she is always sitting in a chair staring into space.

"She can't use the television room so she doesn't get the chance to watch TV. We have tried to help her feel at home by bringing her things she likes to drink and making sure she has her picture album with her but it's not the same.

"If she had her own room, she would have some privacy again."

The idea of leaving her own home was difficult for Kathleen to accept.

She had always managed to cope by herself, even after a hip replacement operation and the gradual worsening of her arthritis. Last year, she broke her pelvis in a fall but still succeeded in getting back to good health and returning home.

But the great-grandmother was the victim of a terrifying burglary in January this year, which shook her confidence and made her realise she was vulnerable, even in her home.

Moira said Kathleen woke up one night to hear two men arguing outside her bedroom.

"She takes sleeping tablets because of the pain in her legs so she would have been in a very deep sleep. When she woke up properly, the men were in her room. They told her they were policemen and she had been the victim of a robbery.

"She was still groggy and didn't understand what was going on. The men rifled through her drawers and asked if she kept money anywhere. It was only after they had gone she realised the men had been burglars and not police. She was terribly shaken by it all."

A few weeks later, Kathleen received a letter from the police warning her the burglars might strike again.

The shock of this was such that her health deteriorated and she was admitted to hospital in February with a chest infection and injuries from a fall.

In another unanswered letter to Mr Dixon, Doug wrote: "Despite the fear this event engendered, my mother made enormous efforts to regain enough strength and mobility to return home. Unfortunately, this experience was the final straw and she did not succeed.

"She eventually had to come to terms with the prospect of losing her independence and a future in residential care.

"As with other adversities experienced throughout her life, she accepted the situation and was just anxious to know when and where she would be going. Unfortunately, this was when her capacity for endurance really began to be tested."

Kathleen and her family were told it would take six weeks to organise funding for a place in a residential care home.

Doug, 57 and Moira, 53, found a room in a home they thought their mum would like. Almost six months later, that place is long gone.

Kathleen is not the only elderly person in the district waiting for a place. Even in a small hospital such as Horsham, there are at least seven elderly people in a similar position.

At Crawley Hospital there are 50 people stranded on the wards because of bed-blocking. Some have been waiting up to a year.

Marianne Griffiths, head of commissioning at West Sussex County Council social and caring services, and director of strategic development at West Sussex Health Authority, said: "We are very sorry at the distress caused to Mrs Parrott and her family about the time spent in hospital."

She said cash released by the Department of Health on Tuesday would be used to help Kathleen find a care- home bed.

She said: "Funding has been released so Mrs Parrott and others can be safely discharged into placements of their choice.

"We are delighted we are at last in a position to better meet the needs of older people.

"Regarding the question of correspondence, we shall be looking into any delays in responding to letters."