We set out for our big night at the Fatboy Slim party on the beach from First Avenue. Everything was perfect. My son was staying with his dad, so we had a Fat night of fun ahead of us, the first in a good while. But lurking "Halfway between the gutter and the stars" was an unexpected obstacle.

A bath, a splash of perfume and aftershave respectively, a swift drink and we were on our way for our big night with Mr Cook. Not to be - or bee.

On leaving First Avenue, Hove, and crossing the road to the beach in anticipation of what the evening may hold, we were approached by a gang of hooded youths, shouting loudly, and all around us girls screamed, children cried and macho men were reduced to screaming queens. We were all being attacked by bees - and lots of them.

Our only choice was to run for our lives, as many were doing around us. We ran home and opted for a quiet evening in, slippers and pipe and a story to tell to future generations.

Please relay our deepest regrets to Norm. We hope our absence wasn't sadly missed. We shall play his album quietly in First Avenue this evening.

-Susi and Martyn, Hove