OVERSLEPT this morning and, despite running entire half mile from home to station, failed to make it onto the 8.18 - my last chance if I were to make vital (if I am to hold on to my job) meeting at 10.15.

As I was scouring timetable, desperately wondering if I got train which left twenty minutes later and changed on to a Gatwick Express I might just make meeting and save job, a helpful ticket inspector suggested I get a train to Hove, from where I should make the semi-fast 8.55 Victoria service.

Thanked him and did as he said, arriving at Hove with time to catch said train.

Occupants, a mixture of serious-looking business types and seriously smart ladies who lunch, obviously off for a day of shopping and lunching in the capital.

Managed to squeeze myself on to a seat next to one such lady and opposite accountant type, busy rearranging spreadsheets in a purposeful manner on top of his briefcase.

Heaved a sigh of relief and as the train set off began to drink my coffee and eat a croissant, both much needed to kick brain into action after rude awakening and ensuing horrible rush. Accountant opposite then gave me extremely odd look, before raising his eyebrows and returning to spreadsheets.

Wondered if in all rush of getting up and getting going I'd forgotten vital item of clothing. I checked and everything seemed to be there and I knew, since I hadn't had time for make up, that I didn't have lipstick smeared across my face. So, couldn't quite work out what it was about self which gave accountant cause to deliver so many "you are either insane or else totally out of order" glances in my direction.

Tried to ignore him and get on with my breakfast but this seemed only to further infuriate and looks became increasingly hostile.

Perhaps, I thought it's not the done thing to eat and drink on board a train from Hove. Perhaps the commuters are more refined and, unlike their Big Mac guzzling neighbours from Brighton, the 'Don't Eat in Public' rule we had at school still applies.

Was becoming so paranoid that I'd almost decided to put the croissant back in its bag and leave the coffee to go cold but then belligerence got the better of me and I thought why should I? If I can have breakfast on board the train from Brighton - then I'm going to damn well have it on board the train from Hove.

The ladies who lunch appeared to be unaffected by my eating habits and I was doing my best to keep my mouth closed and not slurp etc etc. but none of this appeared to go any way towards pacifying accountant.

By the time I'd finished eating and drinking, he looked as if he was about to have a heart attack and, as I leant forward to ask him if he was alright, a horrible thought crossed my mind.

In all the rush to get to the train, I'd never actually stopped to buy a croissant - or a coffee.

Hove accountant obviously had........

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.