As a non-smoking teetotaller who does not gamble, I feel I can justify the expense of going out to tea once a week.

This weekly outing has been a habit for many years and I have taken tea and cake in every imaginable establishment, from the panelled elegance of a stately home to the more humble surroundings of a garden centre.

As a child, I was taken on regular outings to such places as The Pantiles in Tunbridge Wells where the legendary Binns Tea Rooms were situated. The cakes were pure delight and Welsh rarebit made with real ale tasted indescribably gorgeous.

I was always fascinated by the names given to teashops and I have encountered many establishments calling themselves Mock Turtles, Squirrels and Tureens.

The only real differences between today's tea-rooms and those of my youth are the demise of the waitress in favour of self-service and the use of teabags instead of loose tea.

The waitress always knew how many cakes had been consumed from the selection she left at your table and a strong reprimand would be given to any customer who miscalculated when asked the number eaten if it did not tally.

I hate to admit, however, that in spite of drinking countless cups of tea I still don't know my Assam from my Darjeeling.

-Michael Parker, Brighton