Dear Judy, I'm the only one in my family who is overweight.

My husband and children nag me silly to do something about it. It makes me very unhappy and I just eat more. What can I do?

Your question made me feel sad. At one time, I felt just like you but, all these years later, I can see how much time I wasted for nothing.

In my advice to you I'd like to sort out three strands of the issue so you can see your situation more clearly. Then, maybe you'll be able to move on.

First, there's the issue of whether you yourself want to lose weight. Then there's the issue of blame and, lastly, there's a need to sort out how to interact and best communicate with your family.

That's quite a lot to deal with so I can only touch the surface but I hope it will set you thinking.

In order to successfully lose weight, you need to do it for yourself.

If you're losing weight only because someone else wants you to, it won't work.

There can be elements of pleasing others but you need to see the sense in their views. You may come to realise you've let yourself go and that's not fair to your husband.

You may also want to take care of your health so you're better able to care for your children or parents. But external nagging will never do anything more than annoy you. You have to believe in your purpose.

Secondly, you have to come to terms with the whole issue of blame. I hear a little of that problem in your question: "It's all because they nag that I eat." But they do what they do and you do what you do. It's not their fault you eat too much. It's your fault and yours alone.

Try hard to give them the benefit of the doubt. They nag because they love you and see you harming yourself. They don't know any better way to get across their message.

They think it's easy to change your habits over-night and to break what is in fact an addiction. Be forgiving. They would be more constructive if they knew how.

That brings me to the last issue: Family support and communication. You must be open and frank with them.

You decide what action you're going to take. For example, you may commit yourself to eating much slower and to never having a second helping.

In order to achieve this, you may prefer to serve food away from the table. You may like to ask those who want more to go and help themselves.

If you want to change the way things have always been done, you'll need to talk this through. Your family will probably be delighted.

If you don't want snide comments about what you're eating, tell your family. Tell them they hurt your feelings. They've probably never thought about it before.

You might like to set a goal and share this with the family. Remind them you're not going on another fad diet and that you're allowed to eat a little of everything but not a lot of anything.

Get their understanding and you'll find the atmosphere less confrontational. Get outside support, too, from people who really understand the issues.

Best of all, take responsibility for yourself.

It's over to you . . .

You can get support from Dr Judy Citron and her team of DietCoaches by joining her telephone weight-loss classes, right from your own home. "You lose weight and you're not on a diet. It's amazing." Phone free for more information on 0800 074 0260 or visit the web site at www.thedietcoach.com