I never thought I would become one of those people who uses their mobile phone without being acutely aware of their surroundings.

I hardly ever make phone calls in public places and, if I do answer, I mumble so much (for fear of disturbing other passengers, shoppers, theatre-goers etc) that the person generally has to call me back later on a landline anyway.

But yesterday I was caught off guard and ended up having totally inappropriate conversation in totally inappropriate place.

Was on way to collect middle Rugrat from nursery when sub from Sunday paper phoned to ask what relation actor who lived with author, I had interviewed for said paper, was to her children.

"He's their father," I replied. "He's her partner. Didn't I say that in the piece?"

"You may well have done," replied the sub. "But if you did it has since been removed. There is a ban on the use of the word partner here."

There followed a lengthy conversation why this was and what word they preferred.

I have always used the word partner to describe someone who is not married to someone but lives with them, in this case has children with them, and is what is generally accepted to be their partner.

The paper though, according to the sub, has an objection to the word partner, on the grounds of what she was not sure, and therefore needed to find another way to describe the relationship between the author and the actor.

Common law husband was dismissed on the grounds that is sounded too legalistic, companion on the grounds it made the (young) author sound like an elderly lady, living with a cat and another old lady she's known for years, lover on the grounds it ignored the basis of the rest of the relationship and boyfriend on the grounds that it sounded too teenage.

When my phone rang, I'd been walking down an empty street and with no one in earshot had managed to answer in a reasonably normal and not too mumbly tone.

I'd obviously continued in this vein when I crossed the road and went down a busier street with a few people around, none of who took much notice of me.

"I think we'll just say she lives with the actor and they have two children," said the sub.

Fine," I answered, which would probably have been the end of the conversation, had I not added, "though, I still can't see the problem with partner."

"Neither can I," said the sub. "But the editor doesn't like it. So we can't use it."

"Perhaps the editor is a very keen advocate of marriage," I said, very loudly, considering I was still on my mobile and approaching the front door of the nursery.

"And believing so strongly in marriage he refuses to countenance the prospect of anyone not actually being married by using a word other than husband or wife to describe an adult co-habiting relationship."

"You could be right," said the sub, as I rang the bell.

"So why don't you just say, they are living in sin and have two illegitimate, spawn of the devil children," I said, as a joke.

The staff of the nursery who, by the time I uttered the above sentence had opened the door and ushered me in to a room full of two and three-year-olds, attentively listening to a story, were not amused.

Especially when the room full of quiet two and three-year-olds became a room full of noisy two and three-year-olds, demanding to know what spawn of the devil was.