We have spent most of our spare time this week trying to tidy up the garden, which has gone a bit wild.

When I say a bit wild I mean wild as in "cannot see from one end to the other, through the masses of bindweed and brambles that have sprouted up everywhere".

I only wish the flowers we are trying to grow sprouted as rapidly as the weeds, although not having much horticultural knowledge I find it hard to tell the difference until they reach triffid-like proportions.

We attacked it all last weekend. Well, him indoors and I did while daughter reclined on a sun lounger, chatting to friends on her mobile and issuing instructions.

These mainly came in the form of directions such as "While you're weeding up by the shed can you get me a packet of ice lollies out of the freezer?" (Our freezer is in the shed.)

Another was "If you're going into the kitchen to wash that cut on your hand will you pour me a cold drink, please?"

This was interspersed with comments such as "Cor, you're really red and sweaty, Mum", and "Am I any browner yet?"

I was tempted to upend a binbag of weeds all over her in retaliation but resisted in the aims of family harmony.

She was dispatched into the kitchen to make toasted cheese sandwiches as this is usually one culinary activity she can manage without making a mess.

She reappeared a little later saying: "They've come out all wrong. That funny Italian cheese you bought doesn't melt very well."

Puzzled, I told her I hadn't bought any funny Italian cheese. I then discovered she had used a packet of polenta, which is a maize-based thing you can chop up in salads.

It is yellow which is about its only similarity to cheese.

I don't think you're supposed to toast it - not from the look of the sandwich toaster anyway. We went hungry which didn't really matter as we had been invited to a friend's birthday barbecue that night.

Daughter didn't want to go as she said it would be "full of boring old people like you two and there won't be anyone my age there".

Unfortunately she was right, the guests mostly being either our age or less than five.

Daughter retreated under a sun shade with a book after hissing "told you so", while we sipped wine and envied our friends who have a very well-kept garden which slopes down to a small lake where the locals go fishing.

We had a good time anyway, even if daughter didn't, and that made up for all our hard work earlier.