When my car insurance renewal landed on my doormat demanding an annual premium almost half the value of the car I decided it was time to shop around.

After all, I've had a full licence for more than ten years, never had a serious accident or conviction and, surely, as a woman, I deserve a hefty discount as everyone knows we make the best drivers.

So, armed with a large bundle of junk mail from just about every insurer in the country, I decided to settle myself by the phone for the morning.

And when I say morning, I mean morning.

You would think that getting a quote would be a quick, painless process. Answer a few questions about your car and driving history and hey presto. But to my horror I found that each call lasted between ten and 40 minutes.

As a rough rule, the length of call and number of questions you are asked seems to depend on the size of the company and number of services they offer. That means you have to keep your eye on the ball. Half way through droning on about engine sizes they might slip in a question about home insurance.

Pick a company that now offers its own breakdown cover and your quick quote will turn into a full-blown row about why their more expensive service would be better for you.

Worse than that are the questions, and answers, that leave you baffled.

For some insurance it might matter but when you're trying to get cover for your car why do they need to know whether you smoke or own your own home?

According to three companies, my particular model of car did not exist. According to another, neither did I - they had to list my occupation as a daily sports writer as it seemed to be the nearest thing they had. And I thought you had to be honest with these things.

Then came the delightful 'Good morning. Mark speaking. How can I help you?' who seemed to add two of his own questions to every official one that came up on his screen. That was until he came to the occupation section, then added at least seven as he'd "always been interested in journalism".

But the ultimate in silly questions/answers came from a firm I'd had insurance with before - they told me it would be cheaper for me to insure my car with my ex-boyfriend as a named driver rather than being insured alone. Now where's the logic in that?

Anyway, one huge phone bill and a wasted morning later my car was insured, my credit card had suffered yet another hefty wallop and, low and behold, the very next day my car broke down.

Iguess it's back to the bike with the painful seat for me.

IN case you've ever wondered if the warnings at the start of certain TV programmes are just a ploy to make you watch them, then an announcement I heard the other night could help you make your mind up: "This programme contains graphic scenes of a sexual nature TOWARDS THE END."

In other words "Don't turn over or you'll miss 'em."

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.