Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was because his birth records were lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in and out of the rain, why the early bird catches the worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

His condition was only worsened by reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol to a student - but could not inform the parents when one became pregnant and wanted an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realise a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility and his son Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers - I Know My Rights,

I'm A Whinger and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

-Gary W Bennett, Peacehaven