In 1987, now-legendary scriptwriters Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran created Alan B'Stard, a depraved Thatcherite MP whose suave pin-stripes concealed a distinct lack of scruples.

Brought outrageously to life by a young Rik Mayall, he epitomised the accusations of political sleaze which brought down the Conservative government.

Now B'Stard is back, having defected to New Labour, and from ITV to the theatre. As his brand new stage play launches in Brighton tonight, a politically disgruntled Gran tells us why the gags are going to be more scandalous than ever.

*On New Labour "When New Labour first came in we were prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt.

"But Alan B'Stard is like the dark side of the Francis Drake myth - he is only slumbering and will awake to kick in the bollocks these posturing twats who pass themselves off as principled politicians. We just do his bidding.

"You look at these people and you think, have you no shame? Even worse, have you no humour? Furthermore, have you no notion of how despised you are? And the answer is no to all of the above."

On burning bridges
"Lawrence is a member of the Labour party and back in the honeymoon period we ended up punching up Jack Straw's speeches with a few gags - and explaining to his speech writers what English grammar was.

"He's a pal, actually, but when they found out what we were working on his office withdrew our invitation to tea. And Tony, he hasn't been round for his game of tennis for ages! I have to say the Tories can take a joke a lot better."

On writing the new script
"You've got to have a certain amount of anger to write. You can't just say, 'Oh, hasn't Peter Mandelson got effete taste in interior decorating and doesn't he dance funny?'

"One thing we don't need any more of is this mimsy crap which passes as satire. You've got to feel the bile rise.

"We'll be updating the gags to reflect the changing news. We're already on draft 152 because every day I have an email saying something like, 'We can't get his trousers off quickly enough, could you add a little poem?' There are 433 guaranteed woofers."

On working with Rik Mayall again
"Obviously we weren't prepared to do it without Rik, although oddly enough people do ask us who's in it: Well, Bob Carolgees is in it and Spit The Dog's playing Tony Blair.

"The first script Rik gave six out of ten. The second draft he said he wanted to have its babies which was...difficult to arrange.

"Rik's really interesting. Before the Press launch in London he said, 'I don't know what to say, help, write me something to say!' So we did. And then he said, 'Actually, I don't want to say anything, you do it!'

"But when we got out there and he saw all the cameras he just pushed me aside. How he says he feels when the audience isn't there is irrelevant."

On the move to the theatre
"TV is pretty buzz-less because the process is so time-consuming. It makes town planning in East Germany in the Fifties look positively wacky.

"On stage we're able to tell a self-contained story. On television you have to tell six short stories, like taking six little bites out of someone's bum rather than one enormous great chomp.

"They might not even notice you were biting their bum because they're so big and flabby.

"Obviously, it's more outrageous because it's not on television - we're working in the only arena where there really is no censorship."

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