So we have suffered the ramblings of Brown the blunderer, Cameron the cowboy and Clegg the clot – all promising to row us out of recession but not telling us how.

Without exception they smiled and wagged a finger at some imaginary person in the audience as if to say, “Well fancy seeing you here”.

From tomorrow, my wife and I will be searching the attic to find bits to sell to pay additional taxes to keep the 600,000 illegal immigrants Clegg has promised amnesty to. Then we will hide any banknotes under the mattress before more banks go up the creek and Brown bails them out with more taxpayers’ money, and put a bit aside to subsidise our grandchildren who won’t be able to find work – and if they do, their retirement age will be 93 – if Cameron gets his way.

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