Christmas expectations are set so high. Perfection. That’s what the TV adverts promise. Snow! Twinkling lights! Exquisite gifts decadently encased in crisp wrapping paper sourced from the local eco market (only £20 a roll!).

Expectation vs reality. Christmas is not always all it’s cracked up to be, especially if you have separated from your partner and you’re trying to sort out festive arrangements for the children (without causing a cataclysmic row). It can seem like you’re shovelling sand uphill.

If this resonates with you then you may need legal advice, which should always have your children’s’ best interests at heart. During times of stress and conflict a calm, supportive and human approach can go a long way to resolve family disputes. Here’s the top five questions asked by separated parents at Christmastime answered:

What if my ex’s parents want to see the children at Christmas?

Often, when a couple separates, the children’s grandparents feel isolated from their grandchildren. It is essential to put aside any resentment regarding the relationship breakdown and focus on the best interests of your children – will they benefit from a loving and nurturing relationship with their grandparents? Often, the answer is yes. In this case, they will greatly appreciate your efforts to organise some time with their extended family over the festive season.

What if my ex shows up unannounced on Christmas Day?

When a relationship breaks down, tensions can run high, particularly if you haven’t agreed on Christmas Day arrangements for the children. Rather than finding your ex furiously banging on the front door on Christmas Day, begging to spend time with the children, try to reach agreement well before the actual day, so that you don’t find yourself having a row on the doorstep (or worse still, in the house, in front of the children). If you cannot agree on festive arrangements, it’s crucial that you seek legal advice well before Christmas Day.

What if I don’t have custody but I would like the children to spend Christmas with me?

It is important to consider the festive arrangements for the children sooner rather than later. If you are having difficulty in agreeing on the details with your ex, it’s essential to seek legal advice as soon as possible.

We are committed to help families reach agreement, using constructive dialogue, where possible. If negotiations reach a standstill, we can also give detailed guidance on how the courts might be better placed to help solve your impasse. Courts have the power to make a Child Arrangements Order, detailing who the children will spend time with and where. This order can include arrangements for the festive season.

What if we share custody, how can we reach an agreement?

If you share care of the children and cannot reach agreement regarding Christmas arrangements, it is best to take a pragmatic approach. If you are still on amicable terms with your ex, you may wish to spend the day together with the children. Alternatively, you may decide that it is best to have a separate ‘Christmas Day’ for each household, held during the Christmas week. Often, separated parents will agree to have the children on Christmas Day on alternate years.

The key to reaching agreement is calm and sensible negotiation. If you are having difficulty in discussing these matters with your ex, it is essential to seek legal advice as soon as possible, so that terse discussions don’t become unnecessary, heated rows. As family lawyers, we have your children’s best interests at the heart of our advice.

What if my ex refuses to let me see the children at Christmas and it isn’t covered in our divorce agreement?

The Family Court deals with divorce matters entirely separately from child arrangement matters. It is therefore essential that you seek legal advice asap if your ex is refusing to let you see the children at Christmas. We can hopefully reach an agreement through negotiation, but if this is not possible, we will make a referral to mediation, or the court if so required. Of course, the court is the last resort, but sometimes it’s the only way to make sure Christmas is the gift for all rather than the few.

If you would like further guidance or if you have any questions, CLICK HERE or please contact Marie Stock, Senior Associate on the family team at Coffin Mew, on 01273 032 448 or via mariestock@coffinmew.co.uk.

This was a paid-for advertorial, with content provided on behalf of Coffin Mew.