Women… just when we thought we’d achieved a decent level of “emancipation” (remember the suffragettes, anyone?), and that we could exist relatively free from the likes of ‘Sid the Sexist’ in our lives, certain health professionals are trying to ‘nanny’ us and lay on ye old guilt trip once again. According to recent news, it’s not good enough for us gals to spurn saturated fats, bin hideous binge drinking and try out that aqua aerobics class: no, if we are of childbearing age, we should moderate our lifestyle and behaviour in case we become impregnated in the future and, hence, we can slightly reduce the chances of any offspring we produce developing cancer in later life.

While we all know that excessive eating, drinking and smoking is bad for us, and that we shouldn’t put lard on our breakfast or play with battery acid, the recent words of wisdom from Professor Ricardo Uauy, an adviser to the United Nations and World Health Organisation, is enough to set my hackles rising re women’s personal freedom and choices.

As Uauy’s advice goes, women who aren’t even pregnant shouldn’t drink alcohol or smoke, they shouldn’t expose themselves to environmental toxins, and they should watch the quality of water they drink. It seems that less than perfectly healthy behaviour may slightly increase the chance of a baby that may never be conceived being more inclined towards cancer. Furthermore, tinned food is off the menu as it’s slightly carcinogenic. The man from Del Monte says “no”.

Um. Some people can’t help that they live, for example, near a busy ring road that creates air pollution, an industrial plant that puts dioxins into the environment or that the English tap water is a tad yukky – not everybody can afford to move to a rural conservation area or drink endless Evian water. And the older generations of my family are relatively cancer-free despite decades of eating tinned peaches, fruit cocktail and even Spam.

Uauy goes on to dictate the correct body mass that women should achieve before they conceive. Most women enjoy a good munch when they’re preggers but Uauy says expectant mothers shouldn’t eat too much… so throw that apple crumble in the bin, dear, and get yourself down to ‘Fat Fighters’ if you have any untoward cravings for chocolate and cheese. And that’s not all. According to Uauy, parents shouldn’t insist on kids clearing their plates at mealtimes as that might cause obesity. So it’s OK for kids to waste food when people are starving in the world, is it? What’s wrong with serving an appropriately-sized portion in the first place?

Uauy’s advice smacks of the attitude displayed by the more extreme “federal guidelines” released Stateside in 2006, which asked for all women capable of conceiving a child to be treated as “pre pregnant”, regardless of whether they wanted a baby or not, and to take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep asthma and diabetes under control. Surely everybody in the population should be encouraged to keep these conditions under control, not just women of childbearing age? Where is the gender equality in that advice?

Women these days are playing the role of housewife, breadwinner, primary carer, cleaner and taxi service – all at once. They really are doing it for themselves and can make their own darn choices. Yes, women should exercise common sense about their lifestyles and health levels, especially if they’re pregnant, but there’s nothing more galling than having the ‘men in white coats’ (or any men at all) trying to dictate what you put into your body.

Speaking as a mother of two healthy boys, I can honestly say that the only people who have ever passed comment on my birth and feeding options and, for example, compared me negatively with women who were more ‘successful’ in completing a natural birth, were… you’ve guessed it… men. It’s not as if they have to do it themselves! I bet if men had to take hormone-loaded contraceptive pills, were being told that they shouldn’t drink their pint in case they procreated sometime in the future, and they might have to experience pain as excruciating as having a leg sawn off without anaesthetic, they might think differently about the guidance issued to women of their acquaintance!

Babies have been born since the start of time and will continue to be born. Life expectancy now is better than ever. So it’s time to stop trying to control the behaviour of women with the idea that if they want to be healthy ‘breeders’, they should sit quietly in a glass tower (with germ proof seals, if you please) sipping nothing more exciting than dandelion and burdock and administering folic acid to themselves. Save the nannying for the baby, please!