Dean Cox felt like a ghost at Crawley, now he's back on goal trail

The old bubbling spirit will be alive and well, tomorrow, though in the FA Cup.

Just as it has been since he found happiness on the pitch with Eastbourne Borough and off it in his home life.

Cox, the former Albion and Leyton Orient winger, scored a cracker for Borough against Torquay last Saturday and would love a repeat when Slough visit in the fourth qualifying round.

If Borough win, he will be on a high. Just as he was in those days in the Football League.

If they lose, he’ll go home miserable. But he likes that too, in a way.

It shows he is involved and the passion is still burning. And, anyway, these days the gloom soon lifts.

It hasn’t always been like that. Cox was let go by Orient a day after the transfer window closed and was cold-shouldered by Harry Kewell at Crawley.

Before that he had a very trying period at the O’s when he went through a divorce while sidelined by a serious knee injury.

Cox, 31, has opened up in recent times about suffering depression.

Such stories are tough to read. But maybe even tougher when they come from someone who was always seen as the life and soul of the party.

Now Cox, speaking at Priory Lane, told The Argus: “I wanted to come here and play. I’m getting on the scoresheet regularly and racking up the assists, which I pride myself on.

“I’ve been surprised by the standard. There are some good teams, a lot of passing teams. That’s like us. We try and play.

“The training is only twice a week so it’s a bit of self-discipline, getting yourself fit in the gym.

“I am coaching in Haywards Heath at Cuckfield Cosmos, where I started.

“I do all the age groups. I chop and change and hopefully I’ll start doing it more regularly from next month.

“It’s a great place, great people and it’s a great club where I started. It’s nice to give back.

“I’m one of those blokes who don’t just want to be sitting around – get out there and get going.

“That’s something I’m looking to do, a bit of management later on.”

Cox was a rising star at Albion before eventually falling out of favour with Gus Poyet.

He played the best football of his career at Orient, including an FA Cup draw with Arsenal and a League One play-off final which went all the way to a penalty shoot-out.

He said: “People think being a footballer is great and, don’t get me wrong, it’s the best job in the world.

“But not when you’re not playing – and I wasn’t even in the squad. I was treated, I felt, harshly at Crawley.

“I always want to play. I was the same at the Albion.

“With Gus, it was more mutual, we agreed that I’d move and I moved on.

“But (at Crawley) it was difficult to train every day and then come to Saturday and know you’re not going to play.

“I felt worthless. What was the point? I was a ghost there. I wasn’t really involved at all.

“To not play was like going to the sweet shop and your parents not letting you buy any sweets. Who does that?

“I found it hard, I don’t mind admitting it.

“I had no qualms about dropping down a level because I want to play games.

“I’m getting a bit older now, a bit uglier, still the same height!

“I went through a divorce, I did my cruciate, so it was a hard time.

“But I’ve got a good family, good friends and luckily I’ve turned it around.

“I’ve got a lovely fiancée. We’ve got a baby, 11 weeks old. Life’s great and I’m really enjoying it.”

There was another jolt to the system during the last two years when the man who threw him a footballing lifeline took his own life.

Cox still remembers the call from Dermot Drummy offering him a Crawley deal.

“Fantastic. It was music to my ears,” he said.

“God rest his soul, he was a fantastic man, just a fantastic man….”

Cox pauses, looks away into the distance for a moment – and then gathers his thoughts again.

“It was great and I just thought, ‘You know what? I couldn’t have signed for a better club and a better man’. I thought he was harshly dealt with.

“With the investment that has gone in now, compared to then….

“The investment has been great.

“Gabriele Cioffi has come in and they have got a fantastic squad. I fully expect them to be up there.

“I watched a couple of games. Ollie Palmer is firing on all cylinders and Filipe Morais is a great acquisition.

“I hope they do well.”

Did Cox, as it appeared from the outside, fall out with Kewell?

“Would it be a fall out?” he replied. “I think it was pretty obvious that, not playing for more than ten months, he just didn’t fancy me and that was it.

“My only qualm was to get out a little bit earlier, seek more game time, but I wasn’t allowed for whatever reason. But that is behind me now.”

Has it made him a calmer man? Does it change his reaction to a defeat?

“You know what? You can’t take the passion out of me. That would p*** me right off.

“It still ruins your weekend (to lose). You want to win games of football.

“When you have had that instilled in you from such a young age, you don’t change.

“Perhaps having a little girl to go home to, I think I might have mellowed just a little bit.

“Sometimes I was quite hot-headed and sometimes that went against me. But only because I was passionate and I loved football.

“I’ll go home and probably kick the dog (he said jokingly) but wake up Sunday morning and it’s another day.”

So what lies ahead? Apart, of course, from the target of a return to the first round of the FA Cup?

“Keep playing. I want to keep playing as long as I can.

“I want to be a manager one day. Whether or not it has to be at this level or even lower. I’m interested, really interested.

“I’m doing my UEFA B and I’m looking to step into that area.

“From the managers I’ve worked with, I’d like to think I’ve learnt a lot.

“But I’d like to have the reins of a team and do it my way.”

To a suggestion that one obvious manager in particular must stand out for him, Cox nods.

“Russell Slade – absolutely. He’s the man. I can’t think highly enough of him.

“Russ was fantastic with me over the six years I was there (at Orient).

“We were one kick away from Championship football.

“His man-management skills along with the likes of Micky Adams and Mark McGhee were right up there. Dean Wilkins as well.

“Hopefully I could relay all that if I get the opportunity.”