Forty lady cows try and break into Roedean School at 3am

The Argus: Cows (posed by models) Cows (posed by models)

Forty cows were spotted wandering around a residential street – police were called to herd them back to the field they had sneaked out of.

The cows, belonging to WD Carr Partnership, had strolled out of the field near Roedean at 3am today.

Mark Peters, who cares for them, said he got a call from Roedean School during the early hours to say they had been spotted on their CCTV cameras lurking around the edge of the school.

The lady cows were “all fine”, he said.

“If anyone saw them they would have been flummoxed.

“Roedean contacted the farmer who contacted me.”

Comments (24)

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4:47pm Sun 15 Dec 13

bhafcforever says...

'Lady' cows? What other type of cow is there??
'Lady' cows? What other type of cow is there?? bhafcforever

5:44pm Sun 15 Dec 13

Gourd_Master says...

Before these cows start ripping tendons and ligaments with their typical knee-jerk reaction to my letters, they should realize that they are so incredibly subhuman that they really ought to change their names to "Subhuman McSubhuman, the Subhuman King of the Subhuman". To get immediately to the point, they criticize me for insisting on a policy of zero tolerance toward mammonism. If they want to play critic, they should possess real and substantial knowledge about whatever it is it's criticizing. The cows shouldn't simply assume that they are God's representative on Earth. These cows have been a bad apple for as long as I can remember. I wish I could put it more delicately, but that would miss the point.

Imagine people everywhere embracing these cows's claim that the laws of nature don't apply to it. The idea defies the imagination. If I were a complete sap, I'd believe these cows's line that its nemeses are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. Unfortunately for it, I realize that these cows's perceptions of a vast conspiracy lead it to inappropriate assessments of even the most innocent interactions with satanic lugs. Sad, but true. And it'll only get worse if these cows find a way to deface property with racially and sexually derogatory epithets and offensive symbols.

These cows's fantasy is to enthrone falsehood in the very center of human thought. They dream of a world that grants it such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of hooliganism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that there is no doubt that these cows will punish dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "pseudoconglomeratio
n". Believe me, I would give everything I own to be wrong on that point, but the truth is that this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of these cows's deplorable recommendations. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) While there are many clueless racketeers, these cows are the most stolid of the lot. Perhaps these cows have vanity without pride, voluptuousness without taste, and learning without wisdom, but remember that contrary to my personal preferences, I'm thinking about what's best for all of us. My conclusion is that what's best for all of us is for me to change the minds of those who produce a new generation of neurotic twaddlers whose opinions and prejudices, far from being enlightened and challenged, are simply legitimized.

Let me put it this way: these cows claim that the betterment of society depends upon its acquiring power and using it to indoctrinate hateful clowns. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, have my told-you-so's primed and ready to go as soon as people start noticing that by letting these cows do something as sniffish as that, we are forgetting that it believes that it is everyone's obligation to peonize and enslave its critics. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed.

I can repeat with undiminished conviction something I said eons ago: These cows are entirely gung-ho about charlatanism because it lacks more pressing soapbox issues. In case you have any doubts, these cows's gormless principles leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children its enemies? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by deranged smear merchants, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. As bloody-minded as these cows's rejoinders are, I've tried explaining to these cows's thralls that reason, not make-believe, is the best way to deal with the real evils of our world. Unfortunately, it is clear to me in talking to them that they have no comprehension of what I'm saying. I might as well be talking to creatures from Mars. In fact, I'd bet Martians would be more likely to discern that if you look soberly and carefully at the evidence all around you, you will undeniably find that it's indeed astounding that these cows have somehow found a way to work the words "unproportionablenes
s" and "chromatographic" into its circulars. However, you may find it even more astounding that it's best to ignore most of the quotes that it so frequently cites. These cows take quotes out of context; use misleading, irrelevant, and out-of-date quotes; and present quotes from legitimate authorities used misleadingly to support contentions that they did not intend and that are not true. In short, it often argues that it answers to no one. A similar argument was first made over 1200 years ago by a well-known scatterbrain and was quickly disproved. In those days, however, no one would have doubted that these cows's pickthanks are too lazy to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that I have some advice for these cows. They should keep their mouth shut until it stops being such an atrabilious passéist and starts being at least one of informative, agreeable, creative, or entertaining. Lastly, these cows's innate love of incendiarism occasionally shows through its mask of anti-incendiarism.
Before these cows start ripping tendons and ligaments with their typical knee-jerk reaction to my letters, they should realize that they are so incredibly subhuman that they really ought to change their names to "Subhuman McSubhuman, the Subhuman King of the Subhuman". To get immediately to the point, they criticize me for insisting on a policy of zero tolerance toward mammonism. If they want to play critic, they should possess real and substantial knowledge about whatever it is it's criticizing. The cows shouldn't simply assume that they are God's representative on Earth. These cows have been a bad apple for as long as I can remember. I wish I could put it more delicately, but that would miss the point. Imagine people everywhere embracing these cows's claim that the laws of nature don't apply to it. The idea defies the imagination. If I were a complete sap, I'd believe these cows's line that its nemeses are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians. Unfortunately for it, I realize that these cows's perceptions of a vast conspiracy lead it to inappropriate assessments of even the most innocent interactions with satanic lugs. Sad, but true. And it'll only get worse if these cows find a way to deface property with racially and sexually derogatory epithets and offensive symbols. These cows's fantasy is to enthrone falsehood in the very center of human thought. They dream of a world that grants it such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of hooliganism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that there is no doubt that these cows will punish dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "pseudoconglomeratio n". Believe me, I would give everything I own to be wrong on that point, but the truth is that this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of these cows's deplorable recommendations. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) While there are many clueless racketeers, these cows are the most stolid of the lot. Perhaps these cows have vanity without pride, voluptuousness without taste, and learning without wisdom, but remember that contrary to my personal preferences, I'm thinking about what's best for all of us. My conclusion is that what's best for all of us is for me to change the minds of those who produce a new generation of neurotic twaddlers whose opinions and prejudices, far from being enlightened and challenged, are simply legitimized. Let me put it this way: these cows claim that the betterment of society depends upon its acquiring power and using it to indoctrinate hateful clowns. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, have my told-you-so's primed and ready to go as soon as people start noticing that by letting these cows do something as sniffish as that, we are forgetting that it believes that it is everyone's obligation to peonize and enslave its critics. That view is anathema to the cause of liberty. If it is not loudly refuted our future will be dire indeed. I can repeat with undiminished conviction something I said eons ago: These cows are entirely gung-ho about charlatanism because it lacks more pressing soapbox issues. In case you have any doubts, these cows's gormless principles leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children its enemies? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by deranged smear merchants, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. As bloody-minded as these cows's rejoinders are, I've tried explaining to these cows's thralls that reason, not make-believe, is the best way to deal with the real evils of our world. Unfortunately, it is clear to me in talking to them that they have no comprehension of what I'm saying. I might as well be talking to creatures from Mars. In fact, I'd bet Martians would be more likely to discern that if you look soberly and carefully at the evidence all around you, you will undeniably find that it's indeed astounding that these cows have somehow found a way to work the words "unproportionablenes s" and "chromatographic" into its circulars. However, you may find it even more astounding that it's best to ignore most of the quotes that it so frequently cites. These cows take quotes out of context; use misleading, irrelevant, and out-of-date quotes; and present quotes from legitimate authorities used misleadingly to support contentions that they did not intend and that are not true. In short, it often argues that it answers to no one. A similar argument was first made over 1200 years ago by a well-known scatterbrain and was quickly disproved. In those days, however, no one would have doubted that these cows's pickthanks are too lazy to redefine in practical terms the immutable ideals that have guided us from the beginning. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that I have some advice for these cows. They should keep their mouth shut until it stops being such an atrabilious passéist and starts being at least one of informative, agreeable, creative, or entertaining. Lastly, these cows's innate love of incendiarism occasionally shows through its mask of anti-incendiarism. Gourd_Master

6:04pm Sun 15 Dec 13

kev_hove says...

erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?
erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull? kev_hove

6:34pm Sun 15 Dec 13

Number Six says...

kev_hove wrote:
erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?
Lady cows and gang of horses on the other article makes you think that the only knowledge Argus reporters ( a contradiction in terms if ever there was one) is restricted to McDonalds
[quote][p][bold]kev_hove[/bold] wrote: erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?[/p][/quote]Lady cows and gang of horses on the other article makes you think that the only knowledge Argus reporters ( a contradiction in terms if ever there was one) is restricted to McDonalds Number Six

7:15pm Sun 15 Dec 13

Sussex jim says...

What a load of bull****.
What a load of bull****. Sussex jim

7:48pm Sun 15 Dec 13

Hovegeek says...

Fourty cows, not forty
Fourty cows, not forty Hovegeek

9:07pm Sun 15 Dec 13

sussexram40 says...

Lady cows, hahaha. All cows are female.
We had a gang of horses in the other article.
I don't know.
Lady cows, hahaha. All cows are female. We had a gang of horses in the other article. I don't know. sussexram40

9:46pm Sun 15 Dec 13

number_6 says...

Si senore
Dare dego
Forte lores inaro
Demaint lores dematrux
Fulacowes anens andux
Si senore Dare dego Forte lores inaro Demaint lores dematrux Fulacowes anens andux number_6

9:54pm Sun 15 Dec 13

Bob_The_Ferret says...

Office party night was it?
Office party night was it? Bob_The_Ferret

1:55am Mon 16 Dec 13

Roundbill says...

I think this is my favourite ever Argus story.
I think this is my favourite ever Argus story. Roundbill

8:24am Mon 16 Dec 13

Telscombe Cliffy says...

Well Roedean is an establishment to produce Ladies. Would this attract a certain type of cow?
Well Roedean is an establishment to produce Ladies. Would this attract a certain type of cow? Telscombe Cliffy

8:59am Mon 16 Dec 13

ThinkBrighton says...

kev_hove wrote:
erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?
What are you on!?
[quote][p][bold]kev_hove[/bold] wrote: erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?[/p][/quote]What are you on!? ThinkBrighton

9:03am Mon 16 Dec 13

martnin says...

Gourd_master, Seek help.
Gourd_master, Seek help. martnin

10:35am Mon 16 Dec 13

plantwoman says...

Hovegeek wrote:
Fourty cows, not forty
Wrong actually it IS forty - idiot!
[quote][p][bold]Hovegeek[/bold] wrote: Fourty cows, not forty[/p][/quote]Wrong actually it IS forty - idiot! plantwoman

10:37am Mon 16 Dec 13

plantwoman says...

Not a load of bullocks then?
Not a load of bullocks then? plantwoman

10:47am Mon 16 Dec 13

sussexram40 says...

Great caption under the photo - "Cows (posed by models)"
I'm sure someone was having a laugh when they wrote this.
Great caption under the photo - "Cows (posed by models)" I'm sure someone was having a laugh when they wrote this. sussexram40

1:50pm Mon 16 Dec 13

blacktopsoldier says...

surely headline should read, "TRY TOO " not "try and",unless of course they had succeeded
surely headline should read, "TRY TOO " not "try and",unless of course they had succeeded blacktopsoldier

2:37pm Mon 16 Dec 13

All 9 of me says...

blacktopsoldier wrote:
surely headline should read, "TRY TOO " not "try and",unless of course they had succeeded
or even ' try to ' .....

freaks are out in force today.
[quote][p][bold]blacktopsoldier[/bold] wrote: surely headline should read, "TRY TOO " not "try and",unless of course they had succeeded[/p][/quote]or even ' try to ' ..... freaks are out in force today. All 9 of me

6:51pm Mon 16 Dec 13

jackthekipper says...

blacktopsoldier wrote:
surely headline should read, "TRY TOO " not "try and",unless of course they had succeeded
gourdmaster you are off your rocker,i like random stuff but yours is really 'out there'
[quote][p][bold]blacktopsoldier[/bold] wrote: surely headline should read, "TRY TOO " not "try and",unless of course they had succeeded[/p][/quote]gourdmaster you are off your rocker,i like random stuff but yours is really 'out there' jackthekipper

6:21am Tue 17 Dec 13

comanche762 says...

kev_hove wrote:
erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?
Correct and a bull with no balls is a bullock
[quote][p][bold]kev_hove[/bold] wrote: erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?[/p][/quote]Correct and a bull with no balls is a bullock comanche762

8:57am Tue 17 Dec 13

Juleyanne says...

Poor cows! Not just because they escaped but because they were recaptured and owned by the horrible Carrs!
Poor cows! Not just because they escaped but because they were recaptured and owned by the horrible Carrs! Juleyanne

9:59am Tue 17 Dec 13

plantwoman says...

comanche762 wrote:
kev_hove wrote:
erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?
Correct and a bull with no balls is a bullock
Actually, it's not straight-forward - a castrated bull is a Steer, older castrated bulls can be called bullocks, a not yet weaned young male is called a bull calf, and an older young male can be called a bullock, and so it goes on!
[quote][p][bold]comanche762[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]kev_hove[/bold] wrote: erm, all cows are 'lady' aren't they? isn't a male bovine called a bull?[/p][/quote]Correct and a bull with no balls is a bullock[/p][/quote]Actually, it's not straight-forward - a castrated bull is a Steer, older castrated bulls can be called bullocks, a not yet weaned young male is called a bull calf, and an older young male can be called a bullock, and so it goes on! plantwoman

1:01pm Tue 17 Dec 13

FatherTed11 says...

Do Argus *cough* 'journalists' not even require at least one GCSE before they are employed?
Do Argus *cough* 'journalists' not even require at least one GCSE before they are employed? FatherTed11

12:29am Wed 18 Dec 13

El Duderino says...

FatherTed11 wrote:
Do Argus *cough* 'journalists' not even require at least one GCSE before they are employed?
Web subeditors usually have media studies degrees.

Take from that what you will.
[quote][p][bold]FatherTed11[/bold] wrote: Do Argus *cough* 'journalists' not even require at least one GCSE before they are employed?[/p][/quote]Web subeditors usually have media studies degrees. Take from that what you will. El Duderino

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