Playing Pat was the centre of her world for a quarter of a decade. But, as her autobiography is published, notoriously private Pam St. Clement tells Hannah Stephenson how she has finally laid the ghost of her EastEnders alter ego to rest

Until three years ago, Pam St. Clement was best known as EastEnders matriarch Pat Butcher, a brassy blonde who’d had her fair share of men, called a spade a spade and wore some of the most outrageous dangly earrings.

Meeting her today, it’s uncanny how removed she is from the character she played for almost 26 years; plummy accent, tiny diamond stud earrings.

Through her years in the spotlight, she’s remained an extremely private person, albeit openly bisexual, so it’s surprising she’s written a memoir, The End Of An Earring.

As well as her career, it charts some intensely personal moments, her failed marriage, her entry on to the gay scene and her shock at executives’ decision to kill off Pat.

She was the second longest-serving member of the cast when the character lost her battle with cancer on New Year’s Day, 2012.

She keeps in touch with her Albert Square pal Barbara Windsor (Peggy Mitchell) and a few others, and recently took part in a 30th anniversary programme about the soap. But her departure left a bitter taste for a while.

St. Clement had requested time out to recharge her batteries, but had been assured her character wasn’t going to be killed off.

“I was upset about it,” she admits today. “I wanted to leave and get some air. When you’ve said, ‘The one thing I’d really like is for her not to die’, and I was told, ‘That won’t happen’, that’s what disappointed me.

“I felt shocked and very let down. I suppose I could have thrown a tantrum and walked out, but that’s not me.”

“After I left, I had a great dip and I wasn’t well. It was all to do with grieving. I do still miss it in a way, because it was family.”

The 72-year-old says one of the reasons she wrote the book, was to be able to claim her own identity again.

“I had to put down Pat to find Pam,” she explains. “Once I’d finished with her, I had time to think about me and my life.”

Born in Middlesex, Pam was just 18-months-old when her mother died from TB, and left to be looked after by a succession of nannies, governesses and tutors, until she was old enough for boarding school.

Her father, an alcoholic who verbally and physically abused his subsequent wives was largely absent.

“His behaviour indicated there wasn’t room for me in his life,” she recalls.

“I was fairly emotionally removed. My peer group was fine but I was removed from the world of the adult. It stood me in good stead as an actor. Acting was something totally brilliant, because it meant I could take on any persona.”

Aged 11, she went to live with two ‘aunts’ - Sylvia and Courty - on a farm in Devon.

It gave her the stability she needed. She joined her local drama society and was frequently chosen to play the male roles, never suited in stature or personality to play the simpering female.

“I did bemoan the fact that I couldn’t wear pretty things. In my career, I’ve never had silken lace against my skin. But not everybody is beautiful, because actors portray real life.”

Starting out as a teacher, she went on to drama school, later joining a touring company and working on stage and television throughout the Sixties and Seventies.

While a student teacher, she fell for a woman on her course, although never declared her love. They remained friends for years.

“In the main, I have found men sexually fulfilling and socially stimulating, but there is a comfort in the company of one’s own sex that is uncomplicated,” she writes. “Thus, in a domestic situation, there is a lot to be said for sticking to your own sex with, or without, a physical relationship.”

In 1969, she married a merchant sailor, but he was frequently away at sea while she pursued acting. They divorced in 1976.

For a long time, she had wanted children, but it wasn’t to be.

After her divorce, she dipped her toes into the gay scene, visiting the most famous gay club of the time, the Gateways, but was completely overwhelmed by it.

“It was totally bizarre. The women used to frighten the life out of me. They all wore builder’s boots and dungarees.”

And prejudice was still rife.

“A group of us were getting into my car at the end of an evening when we were attacked by a man wielding an axe. Fortunately the damage was only to the car, but it scared all of us,” she says.

She later had a serious relationship with a woman called Diana, but it wasn’t to last, and she admits she’s always battled the feelings of wanting to be loved but remaining fiercely independent.

“I’m a very loving and caring person, but I over-mother, over-partner. It’s very easy to smother.

“I don’t think it’s a case of finding the right person. I just realise as I’ve got older that I’m probably better alone.

“Although I do see the glass as half full, I’m also a pragmatist, so I see the reality of life.”

The End Of An Earring by Pam St Clement (Headline, £16.99)